Uncommon Nonsense
by tiggr2ic
Summary: Underland is falling apart, and the only one who can save it is a back talking underage felon with attitude in spades. However, when Underland's "peaceful" ruler sends a hit man to kill her, things may be a little harder to fix than she first thought.
1. Chapter 1

Uncommon Nonsense

Chapter 1: In which there is a deathly illness, an offer of marriage and a tea party

"_More tea Tinker?"_ Sighing, Tinker wearily nodded, and a splash of discoloured water sloshed into a cracked teacup. "You know, after all these years, I still haven't learned that betting against you is stupider than going swimming with hungry sharks." His golden eyes flicked down to the frilly… _thing _his friend had dressed him in. The girl he was grumbling to only smirkedas she turned to her other victim. "And what about you Chess?" She asked, a dangerous smile on her lips. Chess's eyes flicked to Tinker, then back to the girl. "Of course," He said smoothly, a grin stretching from ear to ear.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

"Oh Alice. Was it really too much to hope that you would return from Africa a lady?" The tired woman pressed her lips into a line, her deep frown lines denting her forehead. Holding a cup of tea in her pale hands, Alice perched on the end of an ornate chair, unsure of how to reply. Her mother shook her head, and sighed. Leaning up from her pillows, she glanced at Alice's legs. "Still no stockings… and no corset. Seven years, and you haven't changed a whit. And I…" Alice's mother trailed off, her eyes clouded. "Well, my age has caught up to me, I presume." A racking cough shook her, her frail body rocking back and forth from the force of it. Alice bit her lip. _"Probably won't recover… …severe pneumonia"_ The doctor's words swooped around in her head like vicious crows.

Her mother's eyes snapped back to reality, now eying Alice's hair disapprovingly. "A lady your age wears her hair _up_ Alice." She croaked, as a new wave of coughs shook her like a doll. Aice's eyes narrowed slightly.

"I like the way my hair is mother."

"That doesn't matter, it's not proper."

"I don't care what's proper!"

"Do _not _care Alice, and you should-"

"Why?"

"Because you'd be married to a Lord if you had."

Alice sighed. Even after all these years her mother was still chastising her about Hamish. Even though _she _thought that she would have been happier without Hamish and his poor digestion, nobody else _did._ Her mother leaned back, her eyes cloudy.

"I only wanted you to be a lady Alice."

Alice looked down at the now cold tea in her cup. "I can't believe I'm fighting with my sick mother about properness," she murmured to it. The tea didn't reply, but her mother did. "Can _not_ Alice." She said sternly, arms folded. Alice's dark eyes turned to her mother, with a freezing look that could have turned her to stone. "Properness, mother, is the reason why you are lying in this bed." She said slowly.

Her mother had been taking "a stately stroll in the park" and a bout of rain had poured down suddenly, drenching her to the bone. Her mother had not been dressed warmly, or even had an umbrella. "I do not carry such ugly things." And by the time she'd arrived home, the relentless rain had become hail and she was blue from hypothermia.

Alice blinked back tears. While her mother was killing herself by being proper, she had been closing the last of a trading deal in Africa. It was only this morning she'd arrived breathless to find a stone-faced doctor with a droopy moustache, telling her in a dull monotone that her mother was dying. Alice's eyes shimmered with tears. She'd come home to tell her mother good news… Her mother's papery hand grasped at Alice's smooth fingers. Gently, as if the hand was a paper bird, Alice squeezed back, feeling the burn of her mother's fever.

"Don't cry my darling," Alice's mother said softly, lifting a hand to dab at Alice's cheek. "When your father passed away, I always knew we'd be together again one day. And now, I can tell him about our beautiful daughter… How proud he must be of you," she whispered, trailing off. Her hand moved to stroke some of Alice's long dark gold hair. "Such pretty hair… such a pretty girl." She smiled, stretching her gaunt face. She leaned back, placing the now cold cup of tea on the bedside table. Alice let go of her mother's hand, watching it drift back down to her mother's side. _She looks so small…_ Alice thought, it was as though her mother was drowning in feathery pillows and thick blankets. Quietly Alice started to stand, when her mother turned her head to look straight at her. 'Tell that joke of a doctor he can go. I wish to die in peace, without ten leeches sucking the blood out of my arms." Alice nodded quietly, then walked slowly to the door, slipped out and closed it with a dull thud.

Wiping away a tear, a loud "A_hem"_ caused her to look up startled. _"So_ very s_orry _for you loss, Miss Kingsley," A short, rattish man blinked his sharp, beady eyes at her. Alice straightened up, her eyes narrowed. "She isn't dead yet, Mr Cotton, and I can assure you at she wouldn't have given a penny to you, of all people." Mr Cotton was Alice's whiny, greedy cousin, who had always given Alice a slimy feeling in her gut since they were children. His greasy smile spread across his lips like the plague. "I _beg _to differ. As you are still unmarried… I am you mother's only heir. Therefore, my dearest cousin, it is you who won't receive even a penny. But of course… you could always marry me, as an alternative to the poorhouse." He licked his lips, Alice shuddered.

Mr Wilbert Cotton was a short, skinny man with black greasy hair and the sort of smile that made children cry. Alice, now at 27 couldn't be more different. Long wavy curls fell to her shoulder blades, framing her pale face and dark eyes. Unlike "proper" ladies, her dark gold locks were never pulled back into a bun, much to uptight upperclass London's distaste. She never wore corsets and stockings, and the only jewellery she ever wore was a thin gold chain with a rabbit carved from moonstone, that rested in the hollow of her creamy neck. Compared to the overdressed, blindingly glittery peacocks everyone else her age was, Alice was a rare jewel. Unfortunately, it would appear that this jewel would be on it's way to the pawnshop.

Mr Cotton pulled down his jacket, and sniffed. "I wouldn't be as picky as you, Alice, if I had your meagre options. The very fact that you soon won't even have a roof over your head will indeed drive away potential suitors. And that is disregarding your other flaws." Mr Cotton adjusted his top hat, farewelled her stiffly, then marched out the door as if a rod had been shoved up his backside. As son as he left, Alice sank into an armchair, chewing her upper lip. To an extent, her cousin was right. Even though she had returned from the expedition successfully, having negotiated an exclusive trade for the Kingsley & Co Shipping Company, it would be months before she got any profit from the deal as the silent partner. After closing the deal, they had barely broken even. And even if she had all the money and jewels in England, by law she couldn't buy her own house…

Alice rapped her fingers on an elaborately carved coffee table beside her. _Nothings impossible_, she thought. After all, I believe in six impossible things before breakfast…so surely there must be a way to solve this one? Sighing, Alice stood and trudged into her mother's room, mind working furiously away to figure out exactly how she could keep out of the poorhouse, and out of being married to that sewer rat Wilbert.

Her mother smiled at her dreamily, for the past few hours Alice had noticed her mother had drifted in and out of reality… or, Otherworld's version of reality anyway. Right now, her mother seemed pretty out of it.

"Darling… I saw the strangest thing the other day when I was walking home in the rain. There was this odd girl, sitting on the corner having a teaparty with two animals! I think she must have been mad poor thing, she was dressed in the most frightful rags… but she had this strange cat that was huge Alice, and it grinned like nothing you've ever seen! It was quite dreadful really…"Alice stirred, eying her mother carefully. Her eyes were wide with fever now, and she seemed like she was looking at something far far away instead of her worried daughter right beside her. But… had her mother just described the Cheshire Cat? "Where did you see them mother?" Alice asked. "On Harbour way, right next to the park. I quite imagine she I still there, she looked like she was a street child, with a stolen tea party set no doubt. I should go report her to the constable!" Alice's mother started to lever herself up on her arms, when Alice pushed her back down gently. "I'll tell the constable, you get better." Alice said firmly.

Slipping on her coat, Alice never questioned whether she should go look for someone described when her mother was completely delirious. Bending down to tie her shoe, she straightened up, a glint in her eye that meant only one thing. _Six impossible things before breakfast,_ she thought as she marched out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! Thanks for reading my story, hope its as good as I want it to be! Please review and be kind, this is my first crack at writing a story! **

Chapter 2: Which is mostly about a meeting, a broken teacup and a black cat

Unless one knows the alleys of London like the back of their hand, it is very hard to find someone who does. Tinker had been born in the filthy darkness of the backstreets, had lived there his whole life, and, as far as he knew, would probably die there.

"Come on! The bloody constables saw you with that tea set, and they will be here any minute!" He hissed, his gold eyes sending poison arrows straight at his one and only friend, a slim girl who was dropping fine bone china into a gutter and heaping it with dead leaves. "They already _know_ that you've stolen it, now come on or we'll never shake them off!" The girl sighed wearily and scurried after Tinker. "What about Chess?" she asked, scrambling over a rusty pipe. "Screw that pompous twit, I'm saving _our_ skins. Knowing him he's poofed off somewhere and left us to rot in jail," Tinker snarled, leaping over a brick wall with ease. The girl vaulted over after him, dark chocolate eyes narrowed at him. "_Tink_er! He's the only other one in this entire _bloody _world besides you who gives a-" She stopped, trying to scuttle back, eyes wider than saucers. A tall, thickly built constable leaned down towards her, his foul breath blowing back thin strands of her hair. "Well well well… What do we have here then?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Striding down the street like there was no tomorrow, Alice was steaming. She had walked up and down Harbour way six times and hadn't seen a single street child nor hide or hair of the Cheshire cat. Her delirious mother must have been imagining things. Alice sighed, and aimed a kick at a pile of dead leaves, but instead of the leaves scattering everywhere, she heard a sharp crack. "Curious" Alice said, kneeling down on her knees and sorting through the leaves, causing whispers and giggles from a couple strolling by. Alice ignored them and kept digging until she saw something glinting through the muck. There was a broken teacup, the pale china glinting in the bright afternoon sun. Clearing away the last of the leaves, Alice sat back, examining her find as keenly as an archaeologist. _This is valuable_, she thought, turning a shard over in he hands. It was a pale white on one side, and a deep coral pink on the other, with small rose buds dancing around the rim. Alice wasn't an expert on tea sets by any stretch of the information, but she could tell that when whole, this teacup would be worth a lot of money. From the shards, she guessed there were three cups and saucers and a plump teapot, all thrown into the gutter in a hurry, and covered in dead soggy leaves. _But __why?_ Alice thought, her fist closing around a few dead leaves. Standing up, she brushed off most of the black muck from the gutter off her pale blue skirts and walked down the road to the police station.

Slamming the thick oaken door back on it's weary hinges, Alice marched up to the front desk, her entire body tense with excitement. The receptionist looked at her with an odd mixture of fear, skepticism and amusement. "Can I help you?" She asked, after a few seconds of gawking at Alice. To say the least, Alice looked as if she had gotten into a bar fight with a muddy pig and lost. Miserably. There was leaves sticking out in odd angles in her hair, dark smudges where she'd wiped her forehead with her blackened hands and her dress was caked in what she really, really hoped was dirt. The receptionist was still looking at her.

"Oh, I'm looking for the street girl who most likely stole this" Alice said, scrabbling in her pocket before drawing out the fragment of teacup she'd been studying before. The receptionist gave Alice another long look, lingering on her filthy dress. Tapping her pen against the desk, she pressed her finger on a bell for a few lingering seconds before turning back to Alice. "Yes yes. She came in this morning… the jailer will take you in". As if on cue, a huge, brawny man stomped in, shaking all the pens on the receptionist's desk. He eyed Alice the same way the receptionist had, but the look in his eyes was a little stupider. "New Arrival eh, you better come quietly now," He boomed, flexing one of his massive biceps. "No you idiot. She's here for the little brat." The receptionist snapped. The jailer scrunched his face into what Alice could only imagine was a smile before taking her by the arm. "Right this way miss." He said, as smoothly as a man with a voice like stones rubbing against each other can sound.

Alice looked around. The hallway the man had come out of before was a filthy dank path which cut through cells that were, if was possible, Alice thought, wrinkling her nose, even worse. "…Weird case that girl. Then Charlie cornered her in an alleyway, this black cat went all out and attacked him. Got a few bad scratches on his face from that y'know miss. But he set it right. Flung the damn thing right into a wall! Funny thing was though, Charlie said the cat looked like it was wearing a pink frilly dress! And I told him Charlie you've gone round the bend…" The jailer boomed on, unaware that Alice had barely heard a word. Every cell was full, a lot with two or more prisoners slumped on the floor in them, and none of them were making a sound, besides one.

"THIS IS WRONG! WE'RE ALL INNOCENT TILL PROVEN GUILTY BUT WE"RE CAGED UP IN HERE LIKE RATS!" A girl yelled, then paused. "In fact, that's an insult to rats everywhere! We're locked up in here like amoebas!" her voice bouncing around the cells. Some of the inmates started to murmur, before the jailer pulled out a mean looking black baton and rattled the iron bars of the cells with it. "Shuddup now before I mash all your faces into PULP!" He screamed. Instantly, there was silence, before the first voice started up again. "This is bloody police brutality! This is exactly why I WANT A LAWYER!" The girl yelled back. "Bloody girl. She's on trial for a string of crimes tomorrow and thinks she's entitled to a _lawyer._ Pfffff" the jailer grumbled to Alice. "What do you mean by 'string of crimes?'" Alice asked. The jailer began counting on his fingers. "Thirty nine counts of Robbery, Assaulting a police officer, Numerous accounts of pickpocketing, Fraud, Illegal gambling… Did I mention robbery?" The jailer asked, puzzled as he held up his fingers. Alice reminded him that he had, then turned to the cell on her right. It was at the end of the line of cells, and unlike the others, which all had a bunk and a blanket, she only had a bucket in the corner. "Here we are Miss. Here's the thief you were asking for" The jailer said cheerfully. The girl stared at Alice, one eyebrow slightly raised.

"_Please_ don't tell me _you're _my lawyer." She said scathingly after a few minutes. Alice bristled. "Well, I don't see you dressed in diamonds and smelling of roses" she retorted angrily. The girl's dress was an old, tattered rag that was patched and filthy, and it only just reached her knees. Her hair was a dark, inky red that would have been beautiful when washed and brushed, but it wasn't quite as flattering as a tangled mess with a few twigs thrown in for good measure. Her face was creamy pale, Alice guessed, but it was impossible to really tell under the dirt. The only thing really remarkable about the girl were her deep dark brown eyes, eyes she'd only seen on two people before…

"If you're quite done staring at me with your jaw somewhere between your knees and the floor, tell me why you're here." The girl was staring at Alice in almost exactly the like the receptionist had done, and Alice was beginning to really, really dislike this girl. "I want to know about the tea party my mother saw you having on Harbour Way a few days ago. Where is the grey striped cat you were playing with?" Alice's voice was cold as steel, she meant business now. The girl rested an elbow on the bars, looking at Alice coolly. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she said sweetly.

"I mean it. Where is he?"

"You do realize you're asking me about a _cat's_ whereabouts aren't you?"

"Was he at your tea party or not?"

'Don't answer a question with a question."

"_You're answering questions with questions! _Answer mine and I'll answer yours!"

"I'm sorry, but do you really expect me to listen to this lunatic?" The girl turned to the jailer, an imploring look in her eyes. The jailer leaned forward, so close to the girl, their foreheads almost were touching. "If you don't answer her questions, I'll have to thump you." He said slowly. The girl turned back to Alice. "Why would I have a _cat _at a tea party?" her face stretched into the kind of smile you gave little children when they tell you they saw a ten foot dog out the window. Alice straightened, a triumphant look in her eyes.

"So you admit to having a tea party."

"I did no such thing."

'Yes you did. Was Chess at your tea party or not?"

"How do you know Chess?" The girl asked incredulously, before clapping her hands over her mouth. Alice smiled at the girl, and turned to the jailer. "I'll have to take her with me." The jailer's brow furrowed slightly. "I can't let you do that miss… I not paid enough for that sort of thing. Besides, with that little slip up we got enough evidence to hang that brat." His eyes took on an unsettling gleam. Alice took a moment to understand. "I see. Then maybe this will be enough to… make you look the other way?" she said, in a slippery tone that would have made her cousin proud. Pulling out a purse from her pocket then dropping it in the jailer's huge hand. The jailer nodded, then pulled out a set of keys and unlocked the cell. As the door swang back, the girl stepped out, and smiled sweetly at the jailer. "You know, you could get in big trouble for this. We need to make it look like I overpowered you and escaped. "The jailer nodded enthusiastically. "Maybe you should hit me or something." He said brightly. The girl nodded and grinned. "Yes, that's right. I should." Drawing back her fist, she smashed her hand into the jailer's face so fast Alice barely saw it. Like a falling tree, the jailer began to sway before falling with a crash. The girl wiped her fist on her dress before smiling at Alice. "It might look better if I punch you too," she offered. "No. That won't be necessary" Alice said quickly, before hurrying the door and opening it. It opened out onto a grey exercise yard, fenced in by a wicked looking spiked fence. The girl ran over and climbed to the top quicker then a monkey, then turned to Alice, who was still closing the door. "Hurry up! If someone comes I'll hang!" She hissed. Alice sighed and lifted her skirts and ran to the fence. "I can't climb in this skirt" Alice muttered, trying to lift her feet up. The girl sighed then offered a hand, when Alice took it hesitantly the girl hauled Alice up with ease. _So strong…_ Alice thought nervously. If she wanted to knock out Alice and run she could do it without breaking a sweat.

Alice sat on the top of the fence, catching her breath, when the girl gave Alice a hard push, and Alice wobbled dangerously. "What was that for?" Alice snarled. "Get a bloody move on! We haven't got all day!" The girl snapped as she vaulted over the wire then jumped to the ground in one smooth movement, landing on her feet. Alice gulped, then edged her way over the wire, but her skirt caught and she tumbled to the ground, landing on her face. The girl stifled a laugh, then helped Alice to her feet. Alice brushed herself off, but there was no use. Now her dress was completely black. The girl however, wasn't even breathing heavily. Alice straightened. "Before we go any further, I want to know your name." she panted. The girl eyed her distrustfully, weighing her up. Alice sighed. "I won't tell-" "Alyss. My name is Alyss Stayne."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: In which there are two old friends, a return, and a broken leg.

**Hey! Glad someone is reading this…. As a note, Alyss's name is pronounced Ah-leez. Don't want our two main charries getting confused now do we? Enjoy, and scribble a review!**

Alice stared at the girl, her jaw hanging by its hinges. Now, her mind was beginning to put two and two together. The superhuman speed and strength, the Cheshire cat… could it be true? Could this girl be Stayne, the red knave's daughter? But if that was true, who was her mother? The girl was staring at her, hands on her hips, giving Alice a look that could stop a stampeding elephant in it's tracks. "Are you always this stupid looking?" Alyss said, exasperated. Alice started to say something that would've given her mother a heart attack when something poofed out of thin air beside her shoulder. "_Alice!_ I was wondering when I'd see you again!" Alice whipped around and stared in shock at the cat that was grinning at her, his voice smooth as silk. Alice's mouth opened and shut like a fish, eyes wide. It was Chess! Even when she'd heard Alyss say accidently that she knew Chess she still didn't think she'd actually see him again!

While Alice stared at the Chess, Alyss was a little more animated. Alice's jaw hit the pavement when the girl stalked up to Chess, grabbed his ear in a fist and pulled him down to her face, her voice soft and dangerous. "_Chess_, my dear. YOU STINKING RATBAG OF A CAT! Where were you when that brick wall of a constable caught me? Let me guess… hiding? YOU TRAITOR! I WAS GOING TO SWING!" she let go of Chess's ear, and Alice watched in fascinated horror as Chess licked his lips nervously, then purred, "Oh _come on _Alyss. We both know that you'd never let it get _that_ far," as he lifted up Alyss's face with a paw, and to Alice's amazement, stroked it affectionately. Alyss pulled away, her face like a thundercloud. "It doesn't bloody matter if I could have slipped out of it! You should have been there anyway! I had to break that bloody teaset." She said angrily. Chess grinned for a moment, then disguised it as a cough when Alyss gave him a dirty look.

Just then, Alice, who'd been watching this whole thing with an odd mix of disbelief and amusement, found her voice. "Chess… what exactly are you doing here?" She asked, still trying to catch up with the fact that Alyss had fiercely told off the Cheshire Cat and escaped with all her limbs intact. Chess, obviously relieved, turned to Alice. "It's a long story. How about we go back to your house? I can tell it there." He turned to Alyss. "Oh, by the way. I found Tinker. He's pretty badly hurt." His voice was slippery as an oil slick. Alyss gave him a sweet smile that was very unsettling. " Where is he Chess?" She asked in a sugary tone. Something a little bit like fear flashed in Chess's turquoise eyes. "Err… Where I found him…?" Chess said cautiously. Alyss said nothing, but instead, pulled a bucket of water out of nowhere and dumped it over Chess's head. Chess shivered, and licked his lips. "Yes, I suppose I deserved that…" He said sheepishly. Alyss turned and briskly walked down the street. Alice raised an eyebrow at the now soaked Chess, trying to work out how Alyss had pulled a bucket of water out of thin air. "Did she just…?" "Yes. And if you tell anyone, I'll use my superior evaporating skills on you." Chess threatened. Alice stifled a giggle. "You got soaked by a teenage girl." She laughed. Chess floated down and started to walk beside her, staying silent. Alice was silently laughing all the way home.

When they reached Alice's front door, Alyss was already waiting for them. Alice stared at her. "How do you know where I live?" She asked. "I know where all the upperclass people of London live. It's good for business..." She replied softly. Alice was just about to ask what business exactly that was when she saw Alyss's face, her skin ashen and pale. Instantly, Chess poofed to her side, clearly anxious. "What's the matter?" He said, wide eyes flicking everywhere. "Tinker… I think his legs broken…" she whispered, opening her arms gently, showing Chess a small bundle wrapped in a holey shawl. Chess's grin he'd worn all the way to Alice's house wiped off his face, replaced by a grimace. Alice bit her lip, unsure of what to do… Opening her mouth to say something, she was stopped by a voice. "Open the door Alice." The deep voice said, irritated. Obediently, she took the steps two at a time and unlocked the door, and pushed it open, gesturing Chess and Alyss inside. From the corner of her eye she saw a flash of blue fluttering in the air. "Absolem. Here to join the party I see!" Alice smiled. "Oh, um... everyone sit down there," She said waving a hand to three plush armchairs. "Tea anyone?" She asked quickly, rubbing her arm. She had no idea why, but suddenly she felt jumpy and nervous… as if she was riding a unicycle along a hair thin wire. After all these years, two of her closest friends were sitting, or, in Absolem's case, perched on her mother's prized, hideous armchairs in the sitting room. But there was one person she wished was sitting there with them… Alyss, sitting rod straight on the end of a particularly overstuffed one giggled. "Sorry. After nearly being executed 'cause of it, I think I'll pass." Alice nodded, then sat down on the red armchair where Absolem was resting on the arm.

As the seconds ticked by, the awkwardness was threatening to engulf them all, just as Chess cleared his throat. "You asked before why I'm here Alice." He paused, unsure of how to phrase his next sentence. "Underland is falling apart. People like Alyss wake up here, and some people from Otherworld-" Absolem interrupted. "While the _cat_ is trying to get to his point, the reason why this is happening is because-"

"Underland has no Red Queen." Chess interrupted, clearly annoyed by Absolem.

"A Chess game-"

"Must have two players."

"So when the White Queen took power-"

"She upset the balance." Absolem finished.

Alice looked at both of them, then shook her head. "But the Red Queen was evil!" She exclaimed. Chess and Absolem looked at each other. "Yes, but she _was_ the Red Queen. Even if she was doing a bad job of it, she was still the Queen." Chess replied. Alice slowly nodded. "So how do we restore balance?" she asked. Absolem cleared his throat, and looked pointedly at Alyss, who was only half listening and was examining Tinker's leg. Chess stood up. "No. Absolutely not. You know what will happen." He hissed. Absolem fluttered his wings angrily. "If Underland falls apart, so does this world. You can't protect her from that Chess." Alice's eyes widened as she finally understood. "_She's the Red Queen's daughter?_" Alice shrieked. Looking up from Tinker's leg. Alyss gently put Tinker to one side and stood up. "Do you have a problem with that?" Alyss said fiercely, her voice harder than steel. Alice leapt to her feet. "Now I understand why you act the way you do. You're exactly like your mother. Childish and cruel." Alice spat. Her mind was yelling at her to stop, but her mouth wouldn't listen. "She was a tyrant, and if you sat on that throne, you would be even worse." Alice folded her arms, staring at Alyss. Alyss was shaking slightly, her fists clenched. Suddenly, she seemed to deflate, but her eyes were cold as ice. "Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth, you spoilt brat. My mother wasn't a tyrant. She was kindest woman I ever met, and anyone who says differently is speaking out of their ass." Alyss's eyes flicked to Chess, waiting for a confirmation.

Under all their gazes, Chess seemed to shrink into himself. Alyss's eyes were pleading now, begging him to say that she was right. Chess swallowed. "Alice is right Alyss. I'm sorry." He bowed his head. Alyss sank into her chair. Minutes ticked by with no one saying a word. Finally, Absolem cleared his throat. "Girl, Underland is falling apart, and the only one who can save it is you. You need to put your personal feelings aside and do this." He said slowly, allowing every word to sink in. Everyone looked at Alyss, whose head was in her hands. Sighing, she looked up, taking a deep breath. "You've both forgotten to mention a vital detail. If my mother was a tyrant, then she must have thrown this White Queen out of power. Why wasn't the balance upset then?" She said. Absolem fluttered his wings again, as if he was surprised by the intelligence of the question. "Whether she had the crown or not, she was still the Queen… once crowned, a Queen remains a Queen for the rest of her life." Absolem said slowly. Chess groaned, just as Alyss's eyes flashed with a mixture of emotions Alice couldn't begin to decipher. "You mean… that because there is only one queen… my mother is dead?" She whispered. Chess shifted in his seat uncomfortably. Alyss's eyes, now shimmering with tears, whipped around to pin Chess to his chair. "You knew. And you knew that I knew so you made me forget… you made me forget. That _my mother is dead!" _Alyss whispered, her voice broken. They were all shifting in their seats now. Chess's eyes were everywhere but Alyss's face. "You were little more than a baby. I did it to protect you…" He said quietly. Alice looked from face to face. She had always thought of Chess as a bit of a coward who disappeared at the moment danger reared its head, who only looked out for himself. But… that wasn't true with Alyss was it?

Alyss stared at Chess for a few lingering seconds, before looking down at her hands. She sighed. Absolem began to clear his throat- "I'll do it. I'll do it to clear the Red Queen's name." Her head snapped up, the tears blinked away and now replaced by a look of burning determination. Alice started up. "I'm afraid that might be a little difficult. She did execute a lot of people…" Alice said. Alyss gave her a look (Alice had been getting a _lot _of looks lately) and sighed. "The _Red Queen's_ name. Not my mother's name. If I'm to be a queen, I'm not going to be overshadowed by my predecessors." Chess grimaced while Absolem gave him the closest a butterfly can get to a gloating look. "Well. Now that Stupid Girl here has made up her mind, lets get going before she changes it." Alyss gave Absolem a scathing look, but, as Alice knew it would be, it was water off a duck's back. Absolem lifted off the chair, and floated out of the room. Without a word, Chess poofed out after him. After a few minutes of scuffling sounds upstairs, Chess and Absolem walked back down, Chess cradling a small vial in his paws. Alice opened her mouth to say something, but decided against was no point in asking where exactly they had found the vial she hadn't known existed. She didn't really _want_ to know the answer anyway. Chess opened the vial with a flourish."Alyss, for this I'm going to have to unlock your memories…" He said, walking over to her and placing a paw on her forehead, eyes wide. After a few seconds, he stepped back, his eyes creased with worry, but resigned. Alyss's face had gone blank. Chess tuned to Absolem. "I told you this wasn't a good idea." He hissed.

Absolem looked at Alyss, then back to Chess. "You would've had to do it eventually," he finally said, watching Alyss, who had picked up Tinker and was cradling him in her arms, still silent. Everyone was quiet for a minute or two until Alice, unable to take it any longer, stood up. "Are we going to Underland or not?" Desperation was just beneath the surface of her seemingly annoyed voice. Absolem nodded. "Alyss." Alyss looked up from Tinker, blinking. "Chess, Alice and I are going to drink some of this and imagine the White Queen's palace. You are to hold Chess's hands and Alice's. Alice will hold Chess's other hand and my hand. If you let go, you will probably die, so don't." He glanced around at everyone, lingering on Alyss. Alyss sighed and nodded, hugging a holey shawl loosely. Nestling it into the crook of one arm, she reached out and took Chess's paw, and looked at Alice's hand. Alice growled under her breath. "_Take_ my hand Alyss." She said sternly. Alyss bit her lip. "I don't suppose you'd wash it first? I mean it looks like dirt but…" Alice grabbed Alyss's hand. "For a street child you're a bit picky. Alyss rolled her eyes. "Just because you don't have standards." She muttered.

Absolem's left wing started flicking erratically. "If you two can stop picking at other for one minute, and think about why we're going back to Underland, we can leave." He said in a tone that nearly put Alyss to shame. Chess rolled his eyes, and lifted the vial to his lips. Licking purple from his lips, Alice stared at him. Where had he gotten Jaberwocky blood? Surely that was what the liquid was... Alice hadn't ever seen a liquid quite that same shade of glowing purple since that day eight years ago. Chess shoved the vial under her nose. "Hurry up Alice. We haven't got all day," Absolem said, a drip of purple hanging off one antenna. With unfailing trust about an unknown liquid some would have called stupid, Alice put her rosy lips to the vial and chugged it down. Before she could finish it, Chess snatched the rest away. "Alice! You only need a tiny sip! This is rare stuff you know," Chess grumbled, grey striped tail flicking lazily.

Absolem cleared his throat. "Now, if everyone is _quite_ finished, imagine the White Queen's front garden." Alice closed her eyes tightly and pictured the pale pink cherry trees, and the perfectly manicured lawns all leading up the the bone white marble doors of the White Queen's castle. Someone tapped her shoulder impatiently, and when she opened her eyes, she was in a place she had never thought she'd see again…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Which teaches us that making a bet with Alyss is very, very unadvisable.

**Hey guys! Hope you guys are enjoying the story. Please review, and stroke my ego and tell me that this comedy is actually funny!**

Looking around, Alyss took in the pale pink cherry blossoms wafting on the breeze, the perfectly trimmed chessboard gardens, and last, but certainly not least, the fairytale castle, gleaming marble white in the pale spring sun. Chuckling, Alyss put her hands on her hips. "Well, it's not really my style," she said to Chess, who smiled back. Alyss's eyes flicked to Alice, who was drinking in the sight like a man dying of thirst drinks water. Although she thought the whole setting was a little too perfect, a few others obviously didn't agree. Turning to Absolem, she smiled a smirk Chess instantly recognized, it was her betting smile. "So… this White Queen. Does she wear a crown?" Absolem nodded, giving her a look people especially reserved for utter morons. Alyss recognized at as the look she always gave Alice.

"Does she greet visitors in her courtroom?"

Another look.

"And is this courtroom well guarded?"

Absolem stared at her. "Well, it is her_ courtroom_, stupid girl." He finally said after a few moments. Alyss's face split into a radiant smile. "How would you like to make a little bet Absolem?" She said brightly. Chess's face froze. Absolem's eyes flicked to Chess, then back to Alyss. "What would this bet be?" He asked, curious. "I bet that I can steal the White Queen's crown off her head… while in her courtroom, without her noticing."Alyss grinned. Absolem raised an eyebrow. "Alright. If I win, you will stop asking stupid questions." He said slowly, flicking an antenna lazily. Alyss nodded. "And if I win, you'll become part of my court?" She said, her eyes already taking on a shine that clearly made Chess nervous. Alice, who had been watching this exchange with interest, leapt in. "I'll bet the same as Absolem, and If We win, you'll never give me one of your looks again," She said.

There was no way Alyss could win this, after all. The White Queen wasn't an idiot. And in the courtroom, all her soldiers would notice the second Alyss reached for the crown. _Easy winnings, _Alice thought. "Count me in too," An unfamiliar voice interjected, smooth a silk. Almost synchronized, the group turned as one to see the voice's owner. A boy of perhaps seventeen, with short black hair that almost flopped into his eyes stared back at them with rich golden eyes. He was dressed in black, his clothes were smudged and dirty, and for some reason, there was a pink, frilly bonnet around his neck. Last, but certainly not least, the boy was slightly favouring one leg. The boy's eyes travelled over each one of them, stopping at Chess. "_You_," he hissed. Chess's eyes narrowed to slits. "_You_." He snarled back, arching his back. The boy's eyes boiled with anger. "Flea ridden turncoat up himself-" "TINKER!" Alyss's eyes lit up and she ran up to the boy. Crushing him into a hug. After seeing Alyss's strength in action, she winced at the thought of how many of the boy's ribs must be snapped in two. "Tinker! You idiot cat!" She stepped back, surveying him critically.

"Your leg was broken."

"It got better."

"Within half an hour?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"SO WHAT?!? Legs take at least six weeks to heal."

"Oh look who now knows everything," Tinker retorted. Alyss shut her mouth and gave him a halfhearted cold stare. Alice didn't know who this Tinker was, but if he could make Alyss shut up, she liked him. Running over the short conversation in her head, she realized something. _Idiot cat? _Alice thought. That boy was no cat. Alice thought about asking, but there was no real point. Underland hardly ever made sense after all.

"Alice!" A voice sweeter than honey called out followed by a lady in a white dress, dripping gracefulness. Alice smiled, and curtsied to the White Queen. It had been eight years for Alice, but the White Queen looked as if she hadn't aged a day. The White Queen's dark brown eyes, mirrors of Alyss's ran over the group, her gaze lighter than a feather. When she reached Alyss, Alice could have sworn she frowned slightly, before sweeping around. "Come to my courtroom if you will my friends. I believe we have much to discuss." She smiled radiantly at all of them, before dancing back up the steps, through the now open marble doors.

Alice felt a mixture of excitement and nostalgia as she hurried up the steps and through the doors. Finally, after all these years, she'd see him again. Absolem flew up the steps next, and then Alyss supporting Tinker-"I don't care if your leg is apparently fixed now. It's not fixed until I say it is."- and finally Chess, who looked like a cat going to the gallows.

The White Queen's courtroom gleamed brightly, courtiers drifting to and fro, with guards in shining silver posted at the doors. Alice could to her surprise, see a few cards, painted white among them. The White Queen seated herself on her throne, smiling warmly at Alice, Chess and Absolem. "My friends, what brings you here to us on this lovely day?" She asked, her voice the soft tone of a summer breeze. Chess stepped forward. "My Queen, as you know, Underland is decaying. There have always been two rulers-" the White Queen, uncharacteristically, interrupted.

"What would you have me do Chess? Call my sister back from the Outlands? Without her, we finally have peace." Her courtiers agreed with a myriad of murmurs and whispers. Alyss stepped forward. "There is another reason you can't call her back from the Outlands isn't there? She is dead, effectively by your hand." Alyss said calmly, causing another wave of whispers. The White Queen's eyes widened, startled. "My sister… is dead?" She said, in a voice that would have made a statue cry. Alyss stood straighter. "Of course she is. You saw the way Stayne tried to kill her the day you banished them. You knew he would kill her. You knew, and you still sent them away to the Outlands together. You sentenced the Red Queen to death." Alyss snarled. The whole court gasped.

The White Queen's eyes flashed, before it was instantly quietened. "You accuse me of breaking my vows? My vows to never kill or harm another living creature? You accuse me of murdering my own sister?" She stepped down from her throne. She sounded calm, but Alice knew that if Alyss was Alyss, that wouldn't be true for much longer. Alyss took a step forward, eyes blazing. "Of course you did. You practically held the knife."

"And who are you to be making such grossly wrong arguments?" The White Queen said sweetly.

"I thought you were supposed to be intelligent," Alyss said, her voice practically dripping with sugar.

The White Queen's eyes widened. She finally recognized the red hair, the dark eyes and pale skin. "You aren't-"

"Oh, but I am. And I'm here for my throne. A chess game needs two players, and you little monopoly is over." Alyss said coldly. The White Queen forced a smile. "I'm afraid that won't really be possible my dear. You see, there is one crown and I-" Alyss pulled a glittering silver crown from behind her back, the blue stones set in the points catching the light. "This crown? You really ought to take better care of it." She gave the White Queen a smile that could have killed the jabberwocky stone dead. Near the back of the court, there were two audible groans. Instantly, the guards that had faded into the back ground, sprung to life reaching for their swords. Alyss shrugged off the holey shawl that had been wrapped around her shoulders, and lifted her arms. About thirty swords fell to the ground, clattering against the marble floor. "I took the liberty of relieving you of your swords. They were so heavy… it seemed like they were only weighing you down." Alyss turned back to The White Queen. "I'll be taking my leave now. I will see you at dinner," Abruptly she spun around and marched out of the courtroom, through a wide corridor.

From beside the throne, a figure dressed in bright clashing colours caught Alice's eye, _It's him,_ she thought, her heart stopping as The Mad Hatter made his way down the steps towards her. After Alyss had left the courtroom, the White Queen had left the courtroom, followed by a chain of courtiers. Absolem and Chess were standing around, and Alice wasn't sure where Tinker had disappeared to. Tarrant, smiled at her. "Alice…"He stammered, reaching for his watch. Alice smiled back, her mind roaring in her ears. _Say something! Say something Alice SAY something! _Her mind screamed at her. "Uh… I'm late I know…" Tarrant smile widened. "Meet me on the balcony in twenty minutes," he said, whispering in her ear, before turning and leaving out the same door Alyss had left from, leaving Alice wondering what had just happened.

Alyss was standing beside the door, trying to decide where she should go. Three staircases wound their way up in front of her, and for all she knew, there was a pit of snakes at the end of each of them. No, that's not the White Queen's style, she thought. It will be a pit of maneating butterflies.

Just then, a man in an outfit that had more patterns than she'd ever seen walked through the door, turning to her. Alyss bit her lip, trying to decide if she should ask this man for directions, and smiled. The only thing that seemed to be dangerous about this man was his sense of fashion. He was staring at her with eyes greener than a park on a beautiful spring day. "Uh… I don't suppose you could tell me a room that isn't taken?" She asked slowly. The man smiled, his lips almost reaching his bright orange hair. "Take the middle staircase. Do you want me to show you?" Alyss smiled warmly and nodded. Taking the man's hand, they bounded up the middle staircase, up to the final level. The man was panting slightly, but Alyss didn't have a hair out of place. She smiled at him. "Thankyou… uh… none of these doors have maneating butterflies behind them do they?" She asked, not nervous, but just wanting to be sure. The man smiled. "No. I don't think so… I'm Tarrant by the way, but you can call me Hatter." He extended a hand, and Alyss took it. "I'm Alyss," She said. Hatter seemed to stop for a moment. "Alice?" He asked, puzzled. "No no. Al_yss,_" Alyss smiled. The hatter grinned back. Opening the door to a luxurious bedroom, he let Alyss walk through first, and then closed it behind them. Alyss made a beeline for the small balcony, framed by two white gossamer curtains. Resting her elbows on the cool stone, she stared out at the White Queen's kingdom, lost in thought.

"Do you know why a raven is like a writing desk?" Hatter asked, and she bent her head, her mind now working over the riddle, examining it. A few minutes passed, and Hatter shook his head. "It's okay if you don't-" Alice smiled slowly and turned to Hatter. "Both can produce a few notes, although they are very flat!" She said softly, her dark brown eyes focussed on something far away. Hatter's face was expressionless. Alyss's face fell. "Oh. It's not the right answer is it?" She said sadly. Hatter's head snapped up. "No one's ever answered my riddle before," He said slowly. Alyss smiled. "That's cause everyone always thinks insidethe box. No one thinks that the answer is not totally literal." Hatter and Alyss smiled at each other. "I don't suppose you know what time dinner is do you?" Alyss asked. "Someone will come and tell you." Hatter answered airily, waving a hand. "I'll tell them you're here." Alyss thanked him, and turned out back to the White Queen's kingdom as Hatter slipped out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Warning: I tried to make this not too gooey, but there may be goo left around the place. You have been warned! As for those of you wondering how Alyss stole the crown, all shall be revealed… but not necessarily soon. Muwah hah hah!

Chapter 5: Which has far too many awkward moments.

_It's colder than I remember,_ Alice shivered, rubbing at the bristling goose bumps on her arms. Only this morning she'd been telling her mother off for not dressing warmly… only a lifetime ago. "I should learn to take my own advice," She mused as another cold breeze bit at her dress. _It's so strange… it was warm a minute ago…_ Something silky slipped around her shoulders and Alice without thinking hugged it closer, realizing it was a jacket. "And what would this advice be Alice?" Alice's face split into a grin and she spun around, hugging Hatter to her. "Hatter! I missed you!" She said, her arms constricting him, pulling him closer and closer. Hatter laughed. "I've only been gone twenty minutes Alice," He said quickly, pulling back. For a moment, Alice could have sworn his pale cheeks were flushed with colour. "No, I mean I missed you when I was in Otherworld…" She stammered, her temperature rising. Hatter smiled. "Really? You missed me?" Alice's eyes widened.

"Uh… Of course I did. I missed everyone else too," She blushed and stared at the ground. Hatter seemed to deflate like a balloon. "Oh. Well… dinner will probably be ready soon…" He turned back to the glittering castle. Alice kicked herself. It seemed that somehow, she'd hurt his feelings. As they wove through the gardens back to the castle, there was a silence hanging over their heads like a dark cloud. As the castle doors loomed over them, Hatter turned to Alice, his green eyes far away. "You'll want to be getting changed I think…" He said nervously, picking away at a loose thread on his lime green waistcoat. Alice nodded. "Yes, yes… I'll see you at dinner?" Alice said hurriedly. Hatter smiled whimsically and nodded. Alice's eyes slid to the floor and she rushed inside and up the stairs where she sat in her room and pondered over what went wrong.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Alyss sighed, playing idly with her hair. For the first time for a long time, she had been able to wash it in the something other than dirty rainwater, and with some sort of goopy gel she'd found in the medicine cabinet. It gleamed in her fingers, a deep red that glistened like a mirror. _It isn't like how mother's hair was,_ she thought, twirling a strand through her fingers. Her mother's hair had been bright red, always pinned up, but there was always a little curl that lay across her forehead, and she'd always brush it away when she did the housework… Alyss wiped her face, and was surprised when she saw a tear, glittering like a tiny jewel on her finger. Rubbing at her face viciously with her hands, she mentally wrung herself. _Pull it together. You don't cry like this… You haven't cried like this since the day she died…_ Alyss stopped that thought in its tracks, but an image slipped through the barricade. _Father… father coming home drunk again after drowning his sorrows...he was always such a _violen_t drunk._

There was a knock at the door. Taking a deep breath, Alyss steadied herself. "Who is it?" She called out, her voice clear as day. Two guards stepped in. They looked like a few of the guards that had been guarding the courtroom earlier this morning. Alyss's mind assessed them quickly. They were bigger than her, and were heavily armoured and… flat? Alyss stared at them. They looked like two cards, except they had been painted white all over. The look didn't suit them. One of them was holding a softly shining piece of fabric, and was looking at her kindly, though she couldn't really tell through the visor.

The one who wasn't holding the fabric bowed deeply, and seemed to have a little bit of trouble pulling himself back up. "_Bloody_ paint always _bloody_ sticking to the _bloody_ joints…' He grumbled. He paused for a moment before he realized Alyss was staring at him. He started. "Uh… My Queen. Us and our comrades feel that you can't go to dinner looking the way you do… so we uh… we brought you a dress to wear." Alyss stepped forward, extending a hand and the guard handed it to her, and then tried to step back, but his legs stuck and he fell backwards with a crash. Flailing his arms and legs like a turtle Alyss noticed that this guard had a much more varied and colourful vocabulary than his companion. Stifling a smile, Alyss took one of his flailing hands and pulled him to his feet. The guard smiled sheepishly, scuttled behind his companion. Unfolding the dress, Alyss gave it a shake and stared at it. It was beautiful. It was a deep red silk, which elegantly said, "I know, I know… I'm gorgeous." Alyss had never worn anything that said anything apart from "Oh god I look _awful_ kill me now!" For the first time in her life, Alyss was speechless.

Until one of the guards started crying. Alyss dragged her gaze away from the dress to the guard, who was sniffling quietly. The other guard tried to pat him on the back, but his hand got stuck a few inches above the crying guards armour. Alyss bit her lip. "What's wrong?" She asked gently. "I'm sorry you don't like it miss…" The other guard nodded creakily. "I _told_ you we shouldn't have dyed it in fruit juice. Blood would have been a much prettier colour." The other guard started another explosive wave of crying. Alyss reached across and patted him on the back, trying not to think about exactly what colour the dress would have been if it had been dyed with blood. "It's lovely. What kind of juice did you use?" The other guard wiped a hand across his visor. "We used Fragglesnap juice. It dyes it permanently. Do you really like it?" Alyss smiled and nodded. The guard grinned triumphantly. "_Told_ you." He crowed to the other, who was scowling.

"Uh… anyway, my lady. There's some jewellery in that box and shoes over there. Someone will be by to pick you up in about a while." The guard said, and before Alyss could ask when a while was, they had bowed and melted away, leaving her alone in the room. Shrugging, Alyss got down to work.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

10 minutes later, Alyss was straining to see her reflection in the window when there was a quick rap on the door. Slipping on the small heels that she would have once died for when she didn't know how bloody difficult they were to run in and rushed to the door, pulling it back a little too vigorously. Tinker stood there, his hand half raised to knock again, and he smiled at her lazily. Except it wasn't Tinker, surely. Tinker had never looked remotely tidy one day in his life. Tinker thought a comb was some obscure type of fish and most importantly, Tinker, had never, ever looked as good as he did now. There was also the whole cat thing as well of course.

He was wearing a white shirt, partially unbuttoned, with black pants, and even a belt. His hair was shiny and just scraping his eyebrows in a halfhearted fringe. He looked amazing. He looked like he belonged in a courtroom – strictly casual of course. It took Alyss a few moments to realize she was staring and her jaw was doing an Alice impression. But the moment she realized this, she realized Tinker hadn't said anything either. The dress was strapless and hugged tight in all the right places, falling to just brush her ankles. It looked amazing. It looked graceful. It looked suspiciously like it had been ripped from the White Queen's closet and dyed red.

A gold chain glittered on her neck, holding a red ruby the size of a good sized coin, which nestled in the hollow of her neck, glowing softly against her creamy skin. It was only a few seconds after Alyss had come back to reality that Tinker found his mouth, and a few seconds more to remember what it was and what it was for. "You look good… um I was just here to tell you that dinner is going to be…" A very overdressed rabbit scuttled down the hall, screeching to a halt right next to Tinker. "Ah. Miss Alyss. I'm am here to take you and your…"-the white rabbit's sharp eyes sliced into Tinker- "pet down to dinner. I assume he is your escort for tonight?" His reedy voice was far too self important, and Alyss seriously considered wringing this rabbit's neck before deciding dinner probably wouldn't need another entrée, if it was as fancy as the rest of the White Queen's castle. "Yes. He is. You may take us down now." She said, mustering up the most imperious tone she could offer. The rabbit bowed. "This way madam,' He bowed deeply again, before strutting down the corridor as if he owned the world.

By the time they had reached the staircase, Alyss could already smell the tension in the air. And of course, it multiplied by tenfold when Chess poofed in beside her and with a practiced flick of his tail, made Tinker stumble backwards. Chess ignored the raging Tinker, and grinned as Alyss, slick as a stick like always. "Come on Alyss. I'll be your escort for this evening." He smiled at, her, taking her hand. Tinker grabbed Chess's tail and yanked him back to his face, his eyes burning. '_I'm_ escorting her." He snarled.

"Oh please. As if Alyss would want someone of your minute evaporating skills escorting her." Chess said slowly, wincing at Tinker's iron grip. "She wouldn't want a pompous fart like you" Tinker hissed. Alyss rolled her eyes. "Actually I-" Turning to her simultaneously, both Chess and Tinker hissed"Stay out of this!" Turning back to each other, Alyss could feel the air getting colder, before she pried Chess's tail from Tinker's grip and took both their hand/paws. "You can _both_ escort me," She sighed, dragging them down the steps after her.

As she had expected, the dinner table (highly polished marble of course) groaned under the weight of glittering crystal goblets and more forks that you could shake a stick at. At their arrival, the White rabbit blew through a shrill trumpet and announced them at the top of his voice. "The Cheshire cat, and Miss Alyss!" Tinker stiffened beside her. Alyss squeezed his hand, before Chess swept her into a seat and slid into the one next to her. Tinker, his golden eyes blazing with hatred plonked into a seat opposite the Mad Hatter, who was sitting on the other side of Alyss, with Alice seated next to him looking as if she had just been to a funeral. Hatter smiled at Alyss warmly. Alyss smiled back, and for some reason earned a cold look from Alice.

The table they were sitting at was the far most ornate in the dining room, and was raised above all the others one a little step. All the white haired courtiers sat at the lower tables, their dinner conversation a constant buzz that was beginning to get on Alyss's nerves. At the head of their table the White Queen sat in her chair, with her knave and Alice on either side of her. Hatter sat next to Alice, and Tinker sat next to the knave. Next to Hatter was her and next to Tinker was Absolem. Finally, Chess sat next to her and a tiny mouse sat perched on a specially raised chair next to Absolem. Alyss had a feeling the table was laid in order of importance, and being third down when she was the heir to the other throne of Wonderland definitely proved something that was already glaringly obvious. The White Queen didn't like her, and didn't recognize her as the heir.

Alyss whistled under her breath. Oh _please_. As if this was going to get to her. She was going to become Queen even if a boring, sickening sweet cow with a bland taste in decorating tried to stop her. Looking down at her plate, Alyss's heart stopped. There wasn't one plate. There were _four_ of them. And they had four little forks and four little knives like evil minions spread out in a row along each side. And that wasn't counting the spoons. _Why four? Isn't having to eat with a _plate_ enough? _Alyss sighed. It was going to be a long night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey there, thanks for reading so far! Today is actually my birthday, so if you don't R & R my story today when will you? Enjoy. =3**

Chapter 6: In which a plate of finger food becomes a weapon of mass destruction.

The moment the servants staggered in, hoisting a huge pot of what Alyss really hoped wasn't soup, Alyss's fears were confirmed. As the servant heaved the pot onto the table, the White Queen smiled sweetly at her, eyes like ice. Waving a servant over, she nodded to Alyss, before the servant scurried away, before bringing back a pitcher, then made a beeline for Alyss. "A drink, madam?" His voice was far too posh for Alyss's liking. And why could she hear it anyway? It was low and quiet, she shouldn't hear it over the buzz… but there wasn't a buzz. All eyes in the room were on her. Most people would be feeling nervous about that drink by now. But not her. She could out drink almost anyone, and the White Queen's party fizz wouldn't faze her. Nodding sweetly, all eyes watched as the dark green liquid oozed out of the pitcher into the glass. When it was full, the servant stopped, bowed and scuttled away. Alyss licked her lips. This didn't look like your average bar drink. Lifting the glass, she tried not to think about the green smoke curling out of the ooze, and she downed it. Alyss's gut convulsed. It was worse than she could have imagined, and she had a very active imagination. It was all the foul things in the world mixed together with a sprinkling of cinnamon. Raw sewerage would be more appetizing. But was that it? Was that the worst the White Queen could do? Please. She lived in the backstreets of London. Disgusting was a walk in the park.

Wiping away the last of the drink with her napkin, she smiled sweetly at the White Queen. "That was delicious. What is in it exactly?" The White Queen twitched. "Eye of newt, toe jam of bat. Dead man's fingers. A sprinkling of earwax." Her eyes gleamed. Alyss smirked back, eyes like daggers. Eyes, toejam and fingers she could live with. But earwax? This was war. "Amazing how you know the exact ingredients, and isn't it strange there was only just enough for one glass? Pity. I was hoping for a little more." Alyss took a ladle and spooned out a bowl of soup. Just as she was about to spill it into the plate, Chess put out a paw. "That's the butter dish." He murmured. Alyss slowly put it back and pointed subtly at a bowl sitting on top of a stack of plates. Chess nodded, and then Alyss ladled it in. This dinner was a minefield. Staring at the line of forks and knives and spoons. Reaching toward one Hatter shook his head and whispered to her, "Outside in my dear," Alyss stared again at her various utensils. But there were _forks_ on the outside! It was going to be a long night.

Alyss sighed. Picking up a spoon, she began to sip her soup, inwardly sighing with relief when the incessant buzz of the courtiers started up again. She had won the first battle, but not the war. So what was next? An exploding entrée? A murderous main? A deadly dessert? The White Queen put aside her spoon. "So. Chess, It's good to see such a faithful member of my court back in my castle. You have come to stay haven't you?" She said, playing with her spoon. Chess squirmed beside her. "Well. I never swore allegiance to you per se… " He trailed off, staring into his soup, as if it would sprout a mouth and answer for him. At the rate this dinner was going, Alyss wouldn't be surprised. The White Queen fluttered her eyelids at Chess, smiling. "Go on." She stared at him, eyes carefully blank. Chess's tail started to flick nervously. "So, I am not part of your court, Highness. I only live on your land. Sometimes anyway." Chess waved a paw in the air. "Yes that's me, never tied down, always evaporating away with my incredible evaporating skills." The White Queen laughed, but it was hollow. "Chess. You still haven't answered my question," Her eyes had taken on an edge that made Chess's tail break into a frenzy. "Well, hat is a very good question, isn't it? Faithful, loyal… such insignificant words really. Just ideas we create aren't they?" His voice had taken on a familiar oily tone. He was trying to worm out of something. The White Queen forced a graceful smile. "Chess. Are you staying here as part of my court or not?" Chess grinned. "Well, I believe that currently, we are parting ways your highness. You see, I am a selfless cat. There are creatures in need, and I, being the immensely kindhearted soul I am, must help them…" Alyss smiled. Chess was a slippery character. He would have made an excellent lawyer. The White Queen smiled softly. "You've joined the heir's cause, haven't you Chess?" Chess opened his mouth, then closed it and nodded. The White Queen looked down into her soup for a moment.

"I see. Well, Chess. You are a free spirit after all. Hopefully you will realize what it is you want in the near future," She said airily. As if on cue, a swarm of servants came and took the pot away, piled up the dirty plates and disappeared. Alyss silently hoped the next course would be better. If everything in Underland tasted like dishwater, she was beginning to regret her decision. From the looks of Tinker, who looked as if he had fallen into Hell and was trying not to show it, she wasn't the only one who didn't appreciate the White Queen's choice of food. The White Queen turned to Hatter, who was fidgeting with his waistcoat. "What is it Tarrant?" She asked, smiling at him. Hatter, who lacked the eloquence of Chess, looked up at the White Queen, flustered. "Umm well you see the truth is, as you can see…" He started, his tongue tripping over the words. Alyss, smiled at him, and grasped his hand under the table. Alice stared at her for a moment, then turned away, a strange look in her eyes. Hatter smiled gratefully at Alyss. "I can't be your royal hatter anymore," He said, smiling apologetically at the Queen. The White Queen's smile tightened. "And why is that Tarrant?" She was still playing with the spoon, twisting it faster and faster in her hands. Hatter started pulling at the buttons on his coat. "I have to join Alyss, if she will let me," He stumbled over the words, and turned to Alyss. Alyss grinned at him with a smile that could have put Chess to shame. The White Queen twisted the spoon faster. "I see. Why do you feel this inclination my friend?" Hatter burst into a radiant smile. "Alyss answered my riddle!" He said happily. The White Queen's eyes flickered with surprise. "I thought it didn't have a answer," She said slowly. Alyss smiled sweetly. "Just because one doesn't know the answer, doesn't mean there isn't one. Surely you must know that Highness," She looked briefly at Hatter, who nodded enthusiastically.

The White Queen brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. "And just because one knows the answer to one small thing, doesn't mean they know the answer to everything, does it?" Alyss's smile widened.

"One cannot ever know anything is one is naive and ignorant."

"And a true wise person would never point out another's nonexistent faults."

"Nonexistent? No one is perfect, and a wise person would be able to work out the simple matter of one's faults, would they not? It would then be unethical to not tell one they are delusional about their own self image." Alyss retorted.

At that moment, the same posh servant came out, pouring a light pink liquid into each glass, as two servants wheeled in several plates filled with yellows and purples and blues. _I suppose it's just too much to hope for some lettuce around here. _Alyss sighed. As she passed the next plate in the stack to the servant, something in the salad caught her eye. A small purple tentacle was moving, like it was swaying to a strong breeze Of course, the curling tentacle ended up on her plate. Alyss poked at it with the edge of the fork. It squirmed and wriggled under a blue leaf. Biting her lip, Alyss wondered if it was okay to eat something that was alive, and what "alive" covered. Taking a sip of her drink, she wrinkled her nose. It was sickly sweet and burned the inside of her nose. Putting her glass to one side, Alyss decided she's rather drink dishwater. At least that had some flavour.

For a few minutes, the only sound was the clang and screech of forks against plates. Alyss didn't eat anything, even though she always ate what didn't eat her first- literally. Something about various little tentacles that squealed whenever she poked them crawling around on her plate was putting her off her food. Putting her fork to one side, Alyss watched everyone else eat instead. The little mouse had a tiny plate in front of her, and was eating little yellow specks with vigour. As she watched, the mouse stabbed a speck on her fork, sniffed it delicately, and then nibbled at it. _Cheese,_ Alyss thought. Absolem was perched on the rim of a glass, slurping it down like there was no tomorrow. As she looked from person to person, _Tinker fish salad, the White Queen, blue leafy thing, Chess, purple leaves… _she realized two things very quickly. One, each dish was personalized. Two, nobody else had tentacles. Not even Tinker, who probably who have loved them.

The White Queen delicately put her fork down and smiled at Absolem. 'So, Absolem. Will you be staying at my court?" Absolem gave the White Queen a look. "Of course I won't. As Oracle, I go where I am needed, and currently Alyss needs me. As Oracle it is my duty to accompany her." Chess laughed. "I thought it was because you were stupid enough to bet against Alyss, my dear friend." The White Queen looked at Absolem, waiting for a reply, but Absolem, not meeting anyone's gaze, slurped at his nectar with new vigor.

To Alyss's relief, a new wave of servants came and piled up the plates, bowing and scraping the floor as they left. A few seconds later, the servant who had been lugging the massive soup bowl in earlier staggered in, barely visible under a huge stag. Alss only actually recognized him by the huge veins in his forehead. Silently, Alyss sympathized. Clearly, his evening was going only marginally better than hers. Panting heavily, the servant plonked the stag onto the table, making several plates jump in the process. Wiping the sweat from his eyes, he carved up the meat and divided the meat onto each gleaming plate. Alice, knife and fork at the ready, stared at the deer. "You know, I actually prefer fish to venison." The White Queen, who had just picked up her kife and fork put them to one side. "The rule is, fish tomorrow, and fish yesterday, but never fish today," The White Queen said curtly. Alice puzzled for a moment. "But it must come sometime to fish today," She said after a few moments. The White Queen shook her head. "No it can't. It's fish every other day. But today isn't any other day you know."

Alyss ran a hand down her face, and sighed. She was surrounded by idiots. "What is today, but yesterday's tomorrow?" Alyss pointed out. Everyone was silent for a moment. The hatter started giggling uncontrollably. "I _told_ you she was smart," He laughed. Alyss smiled. It was time to fire back. "Your highness, I have a question. Your vows are to never harm a living creature, correct?" The White Queen looked up, her fork halfway to her mouth. " Yes. I have vowed to never harm a living creature. Why s it what you ask?" Alyss toyed with a piece of meat on her fork. "I was just wondering how serious you are about those vows. After all, aren't you breaking them by eating this stag?" The White Queen laughed nervously and put her fork to one side. "Of course not. Why ever would you think that?" She replied lightly. Alyss leaned back in her seat. She had the White Queen now. "Only because It was killed by a hunting party that went out this morning." The White Queen's fork had started spinning again, pirouetting like a ballerina on her plate. "I wasn't with the hunting party Alyss." She said tightly, a smile still spread across her features, almost convincing as a painted one would have been. "But, the hunting party went out at your orders? Didn't they?" Alice butted in, the last to realize what was happening, as always. The White Queen ignored the question and started nibbling the side salad, to Alyss's triumph.. Turning away to hide a victory laugh, Alyss's giggle died I her throat. A huge plate, somersaulting through the air was hurtling towards her in slow motion. As she watched, it spun past her and smacked into the table, making the table judder violently. Glasses and plates were thrown overboard and smashed on the floor, sending deadly shards up into a spray. Food was everywhere, the walls, the diners, the ceiling… and the servants who had tripped and dropped the plate. "Uh…I'm very sorry miss…" He stammered, shaking in his boots. The White Queen stood up, covered in orange goop, her eyes blazing.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Which proves when it comes to Alyss, You don't mess with this b*****.

The White Queen delicately touched her forehead with a finger, and brought it down to her face. It dripped orange slime. She was silent, then with a snap of the wrist, sent the orange slime spraying all over the table. Eyes on the servant, she slowly smiled. The servant fell to his knees. "Your Majesty I'm sorry I didn't mean to! Please, I have my wife, my beautiful children…" The White Queen sighed. "You shouldn't be so clumsy. You have ruined my dinner. However, I have my vows…" The servant almost collapsed with relief. Thank you, thank you your majesty," He babbled. "Banishment. To the Outlands." The White Queen smiled sweetly. "Your family will accompany you there… I couldn't separate your children from their father." The servant burst into tears, as two guards stepped forward and hoisted him up, dragging him out of the dining hall. His cries echoed through the room, until there was a thump, and then, much more unsettling than the sobs, came an ominous silence.

For a few minutes, the only sound was the forks scraping against the few remaining plates. Alyss sighed, and dropped her fork loudly on her plate. The White Queen glanced up, diverting her attention from what remained of her limp salad. Fast as lightening, the White Queen realized Alyss was about to put her into a spot, and curtly ignoring Alyss, she turned to Alice, smiling nervously. "Alice, my champion. My most loyal and trusted champion. It must be sad to see all your friends going with that girl." Alice squirmed in her seat. Tinker snorted quietly. The White Queen gave him a puzzled look. Alice quickly turned back to her food and started wolfing it down. But it was to no avail. The White Queen had a grip like a pitbull on this conversation, and Alice wasn't going to weasel out of this one. "Alice?" The White Queen smiled, but it never reached her eyes. Alice was looking everywhere but at the White Queen's face.

"Uh... well… That's is an excellent question…" Alice trailed off, toying with a strip of meat. The White Queen smile slowly slid off her perfect face. "It's your name Alice. Not a question. Will you be staying in my court… or not?" Alice gulped. "Er… no. I'm joining…" The White Queen tossed her napkin on top of her plate. "Alice. Are you sure you want to join…" Her eyes strayed to Alyss pointedly. Alice gulped, as Alyss smiled quietly. _No, you don't want to join me Alyss. But unfortunately, you really dug yourself into a hole on this one._ But to Alyss's surprise, Alice nodded firmly, without a trace of regret. The White Queen, sighed. "I'll be sad to see you all go. It's sad to see that for some of us, loyalty is only a word." Just as she stood, Alyss opened her mouth. The White Queen had started this dinner war, but she was going to be the only who dealt the killing blow... figuratively of course. The White Queen smiled, but Alyss had the eyes of a hawk, and to her satisfaction, there was a shadow of dread in her eyes. "Yes?" She said uncertainly. "What do your vows constitute?" The White Queen breathed a small sigh of relief. "I will never harm or kill another creature." She smiled kindly. Alyss smiled sweetly back, but inside, she was crowing. She her now. "How do you define harm" she asked, her voice dripping with fake curiousity. The White Queen began to relax slightly. "I won't ever hurt them, my dear." Alyss was practically doing a victory dance. That was the exact answer she had wanted! "When you say hurt, do you mean emotionally, physically or socially?" The White Queen looked confused. Alyss plowed on. "Because if you include all of the above, then you have just broken them, haven't you? And if they don't apply, aren't you still harming creatures anyway? Rendering your vows completely pointless to a major extent, because you are still harming them, albeit not killing them… correct?" The White Queen's face was a mixture of confusion, horror and utter blankness, and slow realization that she might have just been insulted. It was a look she recognized well. She put it on a hundred faces everyday.

The White Queen was silent. "I'm terribly sorry to cut this fascinating conversation short, but I am very tired, and it is quite late. Perhaps we can continue this tomorrow?" She finally saked after a few a further word from anyone, she swept around and left the room. Everyone was silent for a moment, then Alyss giggled. Chess and Absolem whipped around, their eyes stern. "You idiot!" Chess hissed, much less eloquent than usual. Absolem however made up for that. "Imbecile! _How are you ever going to succeed if you constantly antagonize the ruler of these lands_? Is your head filled with sawdust?" Absolem snarled, fluttering his pretty blue wings in what could only be his best attempt at imposing. Alyss was silent. "I wasn't ever planning on winning by being given them," She said angrily. Absolem's eyes flashed. "Why? Why did you have to do it the hard way? You're here to save Underland, not rip it into tiny bitesized pieces and burn them!" Alyss rolled her eyes. "Oh please. You are so melodramatic for an Oracle. And people say _I'm_ the one who is supposed to make mountains out of molehills." Absolem's eyes bulged. "_Melodramatic?_ MELODRAMATIC? You're causing _the end of the world_, and you say I'm melodramatic?" Alyss sighed. "Absolem." Absolem was still working himself up into a frezy. "_Absolem._" Absolem was still seething, which was a bad idea, because Alyss hated to be ignored. Unless she was stealing things. Then it was fine. "ABSOLEM!" She yelled, her voice booming around the wide room. Absolem stopped and stared at her. "Now that I have your attention, I have a suggestion to make. As Absolem has kindly pointed out, I- I mean, we, have overstayed our welcome-" "We've only been here for an hour," Alice grumbled. Alyss sighed.

"Yes, but the White Queen has a very short fuse, and gets worked up over the smallest things-"

"You called her a murderer!"

"Only because it's true!"

"And naïve and ignorant!"

"Because she is!"

Alice shook her head and sighed. Alyss ran a hand through her hair, but stopped when she reach something sticky. Pulling her fingers away, she stared at the orange slime, glistening on her fingers. Maybe the White Queen had been right to banish that servant. He had ruined her hair! Hatter cleared his throat. "So, Alyss. What are we going to do exactly?" Alyss who had been squelching her fingers together, looked up. "Well… I think that we should go to our respective rooms, pack our stuff and meet outside in two hours, when it's completely dark." Chess smiled. "Done. Where do we meet?" Alyss thought for a moment. "Which entrance is closest to the Red Queen's castle?" She asked Hatter. "That would be the forest one," Hatter replied. Alyss nodded. "The forest one then. Er… where is it?" She asked Hatter again. "It's the one closest to the forest," Hatter explained gently. Alyss grinned. Of course it was. Smiling at everyone, she slipped off her shoes (torture devices more like,) and ran up the three flights of stairs, keeping up a sprint all the way to the top. Without pausing at the top, she made a beeline for her room. If being a felon did anything for you, it kept you fit.

Sending the door flying, she rushed into the bathroom, taking down the bottle of goop she'd washed her hair with earlier. She was taking this. The White Queen could consider it a parting gift. Grabbing a pillowcase, she gently putthe bottle in at the bottom. Gently peeling off the red dress, she folded it delicately, then put it in the bag. Slipping on her old rags, she couldn't help but feel a little more relaxed. Why the most beautiful dresses weren't designed for running she'd never know. At that moment, there was a sharp knock on her door. Carefully, Alyss slipped the pillowcase under the bed, before wrapping a silk robe around herself. Tying the belt casually, she took a few deep breaths before she flounced to the door, and pulled it open a crack. Two card guards stepped in. They were slightly bigger than the two cards that had come earlier, and they weren't smiling. _Please don't look under the bed_ Alyss hoped. She really didn't want to break any arms after the poshest night of her life. But the guards weren't remotely interested in her bed. They bowed deeply, though one only made it halfway before getting stuck. "My lady." They said in unison, before straightening up. "We are of what once was the 1st legion." One boomed. "We're the best soldiers here!" The other piped up. The first one gave the other a patronizing look. "I am Siez, and this… is Sevin." Sevin grinned. "Once, we served under the Red Queen. Although her ideas were questionable, we were treated well, and our armour wasn't half as awful as it is now." Siez bowed low. Sevin, without missing a beat, picked up where Siez had left off. "Under the White Queen's rule, we are treated like scum, and our armour has been _ruined_." Siez sighed. Clearly Sevin wasn't as articulate as he had wanted. "We wish to pledge ourselves to you, my lady, as does every card soldier in this castle. Will you accept our humble offer?" Alyss was speechless. She had followers? Who weren't carrying pitchforks? Amazing. However, her mind instantly started whirring as Siez spoke. "I accept your most gracious offer Siez and Sevin. How many guards like yourselves are here in this castle?" Sevin grinned. "There are 45 guards in this castle, who feel that you are their ruler, my lady." Alyss nodded. "Including you two?" Siez and Sevin nodded. "And how many guards loyal to the White Queen?" Alyss asked. "70, your highness." Siez answered quickly, while Sevin counted on his fingers. Alyss smiled. So, the White Queen wasn't entirely stupid.

"I want to tell you something" She said lowly. "Something secret." Both guards leant forward. "In two hours time, me and my companions will be leaving this castle." Siez straightened. "You will accompanied by us all, Princess." He said softly. Alss shook her head. "No. I want only you two to accompany me. The rest of the guard must stay here. Make it look as though you deserted your posts and came with me of your own accord. It is very important that the White Queen doesn't know that you all are ready to pledge yourselves to me," She said quickly. Sevin looked a little lost, but Siez's eyes lit up. "I'm glad you don't have sawdust in your head, Princess." He smiled. Sevin look at both of them. "What do you mean? Why-" Slowly, realization spread over his face. "Oh! You don't want her to realize in case it comes to-" Siez bonked him hard on the head. "When she said secret, it means you don't yell it off the rooftops you idiot!" Siez snarled.

Sevin opened his mouth to argue, but shut it like a trap, just before Alyss could hear light footsteps coming down the hall. Siez and Sevin melted away, disappearing to the balcony. At that moment there was a timid knock on the door, before a maid opened it quietly, sticking her head around. Her eyes widened slightly at the sight of Alyss in her complimentary bathrobe. "Oh.. miss I am so sorry" She stammered, starting to close the door. Alyss suddenly had an idea. "Wait," She said. The maid froze. "Would you mind bring me a bucket, soap and a scrubbing brush? Oh, and some red and black paint." The maid looked at her quiazzically. "I want to paint my nails," Alyss said quickly. The maid slowly nodded. "Oh, and bring a big bucket of paint… It's been a really long time since I did my nails." The maid looked very confused, but quietly closed the door and hurried down the hall. Siez and Sevin stepped out from the balcony. "What do you want those things for?" Sevin asked. Alyss smiled. "Lets just say… the guard needs a makeover."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: In which an order is formed, a hit man deployed and a certain guard is on his man period.

Siez stared at Alyss. "What do you mean by-" "Makeover! Are you going to get all this paint off us princess?" Alyss grinned at Sevin. Perhaps he wasn't as slow on the uptake as he looked. "Why do you think I asked for all that?" Sevin grinned. "Oh, Aeis is going to love you!" Alyss shook her head. "I'm only fixing you two." Siez finally caught on. "You're going to repaint us!" He exclaimed. Alyss turned to Siez, a wry smile spreading across her face. "You are the greatest detective I've ever met." She said.

There was a timid look on the door, and as Siez and Sevin vanished, the maid stepped in, her wide blue eyes flicking around the room, bent over under the three huge buckets she was carrying. "Were you talking to someone Miss?" She asked, whiskers twitching. Alyss stared at her. Now that she looked at the maid, she noticed something else besides the whiskers. The maid that ears! Cute little bunny ears! Well, they would have been cute if they hadn't picked up on her talking to Siez and Sevin.

"Uh… no. I was just thinking aloud." Alyss said casually, brushing a stray hair from her eyes. The maid nodded, setting the three buckets down in a row. Brushing some water off her hands, she smiled at Alyss. "Do you want some help with the paint job?" The maid asked, attentively. "I love painting." Alyss shook her head. "No. I won't need help." "Are you sure? I could really help-" "Thank you, but it won't be necessary," Alyss said firmly, ushering the maid back out into the hall. The maid started rambling about something called a peddi cure when Alyss shut the door in her face. Turning back to the room, she sighed, listening carefully to the maid pattering back down the corridor. "You can come out now," She said. Siez and Sevin stepped out from her closet. Reaching into the hot water, she pulled out a sharp, bristly looking brush. Beckoning to Sevin, she started scrubbing off the sticky white paint.

Half an hour later, both guards were gleaming red, with no white or black blemishes. Alyss wiped her forehead. "Alright," She panted. Tossing them two towels, she composed herself. "Dry yourselves off." She said, washing the white and black paint off her lean arms. Two minutes later, two soaking wet towels were tossed onto her in unison. "Done." Sevin said brightly. Siez nodded and they both bowed. Alyss smiled. It looked so much better when they could actually bend down. Dipping a thin brush into the black paint, she walked up to Siez, and carefully outlined a spade on his visor, partly overlapped by the slit for his eyes. Happy with the perfect shape, she quickly filled it in. Stepping back, she admired her work. The spade was perfect, starting at a point, then widening into two curves at the bottom. But when she looked at it harder, she realized it looked more like an upside down heart than a spade. Sighing she started on Sevin, mimicking exactly what she had painted on Siez's face. Stepping back, she surveyed them critically.

Both guards were two meters tall and a meter wide, towering and imposing. They were a deep red that glistened under the bright chandelier hanging from her ceiling. The only thing that really distinguished them was the spade painted on the left side of their visors, blacker than night and contrasting perfectly against the red. Sevin's effect was slightly ruined by a huge dent in the side of his helmet. Sevin checked himself out in the mirror, striking a pose. "I love it!" He exclaimed, doing a very un-guard like twirl. Siez peered in the mirror. "What is this mark, princess?" he said, pointing at the spade. Alyss smiled. "It's a spade. In many card games, it is the highest suit, meaning it is the most powerful. There is actually a saying "In spades," that means you have more than expected and it's worth a lot." Siez smiled. "So you have guards in spades, correct?" Alyss grinned and nodded. Sevin giggled. "You're very clever you know," he said absently, still spinning around.

Alyss smiled as she dragged the pillowcase out from under the bed. "That's very kind of you Sevin, " She replied, stuffing in some matches and a lamp. Hoisting it over her shoulder, she shook her head and put it back down. It was too difficult to carry that way. Siez leant down and picked up the bag with ease, strapping it to his shoulder. Alyss thanked him. She should've known… who needs to carry things when you have people who can do it for you? Sevin, who had finally stopped twirling, turned to Alyss. "So, are we going to be part of your order Princess?" He asked, eyes glittering with excitement. Alyss gave Siez a questioning look. "A Queen has a host of elite knights, called the Order. The last Queen had the Order of Jack Ketch, for example." Siez said slowly. Alyss nodded. "Okay then. You two will be the first knights of the new Order," She straightened. "It will be called, the Order of the Bath." She smiled at Siez. Both of them were silent. After a few moments, Sevin finally piped up, "You can't actually create an Order until you're Queen. We were just asking if we could be part of it, that's all." Alyss could feel a blush spreading across her cheeks, and quickly nodding and smiling she started walking towards the door. Behind her, she heard Siez's huge fist whistle through the air and smash into Sevin's helmet. Whipping around, she ran to Sevin's side, worried. "Are you alright?" She asked tightly. Sevin rubbed his head. 'You jerk! You undented my helmet!" Sevin pointed to his helmet, which was perfectly smooth now, the crater of a dent had vanished. "My roguish charm is gone now, and it's all thanks to you!" Sevin crossed his arms and pouted. Alyss burst out laughing. Roguish charm? She had met puppies that were more hardcore than Sevin. Kittens. But then again, Tinker hadn't exactly fitted the cute and cuddly stereotype.

Siez rumbled a deep chuckle. "Come on Sevin. It's been almost two hours," He said, tugging in Sevin's arm. "I am not speaking to you!" Sevin said haughtily, resulting in another explosive fit of giggles from Alyss. "Come on Sevin." She said breathlessly. "My companions will be waiting for me." Stepping out the door, she beckoned to him. Sevin, refusing to look at Siez, marched out into the corridor. Siez, who was trying not to laugh, followed him. "Where is the forest entrance?" She asked Siez. "It's the one nearest to the forest Princess," Siez said, confused. Alyss nodded impatiently.'

"But where is the forest?"

"Where all the trees are your majesty."

"Yes, but _where_ is the forest?

"Exactly where it always is!" Siez exclaimed. Alyss ran a hand down her face. Now both of them were getting exasperated. Alyss sighed. Okay Siez, you lead the way," Sevin violently shook his head. "I am not following him." He gave Siez a look. "And the silent treatment is still on," He hissed. Alyss sighed. "Sevin, you lead the way then." Sevin opened his mouth to protest, but Alyss gave him a cold stare. Mumbling something Alyss luckily couldn't pick up on, Sevin led them down the stairs and out into the freakishly perfect garden, making it very clear he wasn't happy about it.

The forest gate was a delicate arch adorned with roses, glowing softly white in the pale moonlight. Alyss took one look at the thing and hated it. Under it was something a bit better though. Hatter, Alice Absolem and Chess were smiling and chatting, while Tinker languished against the cool stone. As soon as he saw her, Tinker perked up and gave her a winning smile. But Alyss never saw it. Hatter glanced nervously at the two guards escorting Alyss. Everyone gave Alyss a meaningful stare. Alyss took a few moments to get the hint. "Oh. These are my personal guard, Siez and Sevin." Chess vaporized next to Siez's head, and gave it a little tap with a paw. "Care to explain, Alyss?" He said, big turquoise eyes on her. Alyss leant in close to the group. "Every card guard in the castle has pledged their allegiance to me." She murmured. "WHAT?" hatter shrieked. Alyss shushed him. "It's very important that the White Queen doesn't find out, alright?" Se said, her voice quick or low. Above them in the castle, a light flickered on, brightly glowing in the night. "That's the White Queen's chamber," Sevin murmured. Everyone froze. "We have to go now," Alyss whispered frenzily. "Along the path. Sevin will lead the way, Siez will take up the rear." Everyone nodded. "Go. Quick and quiet as we can. Go!" Hurriedly, the group shouldered their bags and slid under the arch, out into the night.

The White Queen awoke deep in the night, startled awake by a strange dream. Her pale hand fumbled for the firebug lamp by her bed, and reaching the dial she twisted it on, bathing her spacious room in a soft golden light. For a few seconds there was silence before a small bird servant came in, breathless from the stairs. "Milady, is something the matter?" The bird said hurriedly, smoothing down its white and blue feathers. The White Queen was silent. 'Milady?" The bird asked again uncertainly. The White Queen smiled. "Fetch my knave. I have just had the most curious dream."

A few minutes later, her knave appeared, fully dressed in his shining silver armor. He bowed deeply. "My Queen." He knelt by her bed. The White Queen smiled, relieved. "Oh, thank you Fairhaven, for arising at this hour just to see me." Fairhaven removed his helmet, shaking out his blond hair. "Anything for you my Queen." The White Queen smiled, running a hand through her hair. "The girl, Fairhaven. The girl who arrived this morning." Fair haven blinked his pale blue eyes. "Yes, my Queen? What of her?" The White Queen moved to the window, looking out on the manicured grounds below. "Would you please check that she is in her room? I'm worried she may be wandering around at this late hour." Fairhaven nodded. "I will send a guard now, your Majesty." "No!" The White Queen turned around, her skirts flying. "No. I want you to do it Fairhaven. Personally. I just want to be sure… I think she may be stealing things." Fairhaven got to his feet. "I will see to it right away my Queen." Bowing again, he moved out into the hall. Cornering a rabbit, he leant down, his blue eyes colder than ice. "Where is the girl's room?" He hissed. The rabbit trembled. "I-I-I I d-don't know who you mean sire. There are a number of girls in this castle…" Fairhaven grabbed the rabbit's collar and slammed him against the wall. "Who do you think I mean, you stupid animal? The girl who arrived this morning!" The rabbit was almost fainting from panic. "Please sire, you're hurting me!" Fairhaven's iron grip tightened, twisting the rabbit's fur. He smiled. "Where. Is. She?" The rabbit squealed. "Top floor guest room first on the right please sire, please let me go!" Fairhaven dropped the servant, brushing his hands off. The rabbit shakily got to his feet. "Thank you sire…" He stammered, running down the hall fast as he could go.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Fairhaven ran to Alyss's door, slamming it back on it's hinges. Stalking into the room, he turned on the light. The room was empty, the pillowcase gone. Snarling, he ransacked the room, looking for the girl. Anyway, the worse the room looked, the angrier the White Queen would be with that brat… and he might as well earn a little money for his efforts. Running back down the stairs, he stopped outside the White Queen's chamber, smoothing down his hair. Smiling subserviently, he opened the door slowly, and knelt. The White Queen turned. "Well?" She asked impatiently. "She isn't there, your Majesty. It is, as you feared. She has ransacked the room, taken everything of value and run." Fairhaven sighed. The White Queen crossed the room, standing over Fairhaven. "I want you to hunt her down, Fairhaven. Then, I think that some would know what could possibly happen next," She said slowly. Fairhaven's eyes widened with mock shock. "You can't mean…" "I wouldn't know what you're suggesting Fairhaven. Just make sure that girl and her companions receive a suitable punishment. You know what I mean." Fairhaven smiled. "It will be done by tomorrow, your majesty."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Which is mostly about a dream.

They had been running, or in Chess' case, floating for hours on end, but Alyss was beginning to feel that they hadn't even dented the distance between them and the Red Queen's castle. Why were they heading there anyway? If the White Queen has a tiny speck of intelligence in her entire retarded body, it would be heavily guarded and impenetrable. But then again… why would she have to worry? The Red Queen was banished to the Outlands, along with Alyss's cockroach of a father. All threats were eliminated, so why would she worry? Stumbling into a clearing in the grey and blue wood, Sevin screeched to a halt. "We'll stop here for tonight. He said firmly, before glancing to Alyss. "With the lady's permission of course," he tacked on to the end, smiling nervously. Alyss ignored Sevin muttering about he wouldn't make those decisions, and looked around at the group, the people who had dropped everything to join her.

Personally, she wanted to press on, but looking around at all the faces that were quickly becoming familiar, she changed her mind. Alice looked awful. Her gold curls were in shambles, and there were dark circles smudged under her eyes. Absolem, perched on her shoulder, looked like a toy butterfly left out in the rain. In a few short hours, she had doubled in age. Hatter was bent over breathing heavily, drinking the air like a dying man drinks water. Even Chess looked exhausted, and he had been coasting alongside them, telling them to hurry up impatiently. Only Tinker, Siez and Sevin looked as if they could actually stand without doing a dominos impression. Nodding, Alyss helped Alice find a soft patch of moss, before turning to Siez. "Are you sure we'll be safe here?" She asked, her voice low. Siez firmly nodded. "Sevin and I will keep watch. No one will get past us your majesty." Tinker, who had been helping Alice with her skirts straightened. "I'll keep watch as well," he said, trying not to look at Alyss. Hatter confirmed he wasn't sleeping either.

Siez sighed. "Tarrant. You look like you are about to collapse." Hatter violently shook his head. "I want to protect Ali- Alyss as well." He hissed. Siez marched over to Hatter, placing a huge, armored hand on his shoulder. "Get some rest. If you really want to, you can take the next watch." Hatter seemed satisfied with this. Tinker leant up against a gnarled tree, eyes scanning the wood behind them. Siez sighed. "You too lad. Young'un like you is gonna need sleep even more than Tarrant here." Alyss shook her head. Poor Siez. Tinker was a cat. An alley cat. A London alley cat. If he didn't want to sleep, a whole army couldn't make him. Tinker blinked slowly. Siez shook his head. "Look. You're going to sleep, and take the second watch. Are you happy with that?" Tinker's only answer was to give Siez and Sevin a pointed stare, and then turn back to the wood. Sevin marched up to Tinker, looking at him square in the eyes. Unlike Siez, he didn't say anything, but just pressed down on Tinker's shoulders, forcing him into a sitting position. "Sleep." He grunted, before taking up a position across the glade. Tinker obligingly closed his eyes, but Alyss knew better. Tinker always slept with one eye open. Sinking o the ground, Alyss curled into a ball, expertly reserving almost all her warmth. Living on London's streets in the middle of December had taught her the hard way that if you didn't want to wake up dead, you kept warm. Already, the nice fuzzy feeling you get when you're about to fall asleep was enveloping her. Yawning, Alyss closed her eyes.

_Mother, after washing the cracked dishes, collapsing onto the threadbare floor, father out, drinking again no doubt. Me, a little girl of three, dragging a dirty pillow behind me, wandering out of the leaky cupboard, where I sleep and daddy keeps his secret stash. Crawling up on her lap, I beg her to tell me a story. Stroking my hair, she begins. It's always the same story. Two sisters, both heirs to the throne, but polar opposites. One conniving and cruel and the other sweet and helpless. Over time, their roles are reversed, and slowly, the sweet sister grows bitter and mean, while the nasty one paints on a smile, fooling everyone to believe that her, not her older sister, was worthy to be loved by all. One day, their father, the King dies, and the still trusting older sister is cast aside, deemed unworthy of the throne by their hateful mother. The younger sister takes the throne, and banishes her sister to the Outlands. There, the older sister blinded by hate grows more hurt and angry with every passing day… "Then, the once kind sister goes too far." Her mother said, dark eyes clouded. The older sister gathered an army, and stormed the Queen's castle, scattering her forces to the four winds. With the help of a monster, attracted to the older sisters pain at being denied her birthright, she slaughtered the Queen's forces and loyal servants. Then, she took the throne herself, but at a high price. She had lost herself in the war. Scared of what she had become, she spiraled down, getting more despaired and cruel every day. As she became more neurotic, more heads were cleaved from their bodies. A little girl came from somewhere else and thought she could speak her kind, thought she owned the world, stupid little brat. But then she had left too, and she was more alone than ever. Trusting no one, the Queen even killed her husband, frightened that he would leave her because of who she had become. As the years passed, she turned into her sister…_

_The subjects hated her, feared her. Alone and desperate, she started chopping heads. Death did nothing to calm her though, and those who had loved her sister shrank back from her, only the courtiers, plastic smiles stuck on by a thread would come near her, and they only were responding to the siren call of power. Of course, being reasonably safe from execution was a factor as well. They dressed themselves like her; stuck on fake body parts to make the Queen feel as if she wasn't alone, wasn't the only freak. And then, her knight in shining armor came to her rescue, comforted her, and loved her. She fell for him like a ton of bricks, and he eagerly returned her feelings. But it was a lie. He only wanted her power. The girl who had come once as a child returned, and riding as the younger sister's champion, she slaughtered the monster, and freed the land from the cruel Queen's rule. The subjects flooded back into the old Queen's arms, readily forgetting the masked horrors of her rule. She only had to switch on a smile, and she was loved, adored, worshipped by her loyal subjects. Pretending to be tied by her mock vows, she banished her sister and the man she had loved, tying them together even as the older sister's knight tried to kill her. The younger sister, rightful Queen, sent her sister to a fate worse than death with a wave and a smile… I scowl. "It's not fair mummy! Tell the story right! The younger sister can't get away with it! That's not fair!" Brushing away my curls, Mother smiles. "Life isn't fair. You know that. Besides, the older sister deserved her fate. She hurt others deeply, and she lost herself. She became the very thing she never wanted to become… promise me you won't forget yourself sweetheart. Promise mummy." I nod my head vigorously, even though mummy always finishes the story with the promise, I still don't understand why… but it makes mummy happy. That's all I need to understand._

"Alyss!" Tinker's voice cut through the dream like a knife, jolting her back to the real world. Alyss stared at him, her brown eyes far away. "Alyss… are you alright?" Tinker's golden eyes were dark with worry. Chess shoved him aside. "Alyss! Siez and Sevin heard something in the dark. We need to get moving." Alyss was on her feet in an instant, but the dream was still echoing through her head. Shaking her head to clear it, Alyss stumbled on a root. Siez caught her just in time. "Careful milady. It's very uneven here." Alyss nodded, still trying to get the dream out of her head. What did it mean? It couldn't mean anything, surely. Dreams were dreams, nothing else. But still… Hatter grabbed her arm. "Do you need to sit down?" He asked, green eyes filled with worry. But before she could answer, Hatter had rushed to Alice's side, helping her to her feet. Even half out of it, Alyss could tell there was something going on there.

Tinker took her by the arm, spinning her around to him. Staring into her eyes, he murmured something she didn't catch. Tinker rolled his eyes. Lifting a hand, he slapped her. To Alyss, it was like a bucket of cold water. The color returned to her eyes, and furious, she smacked Tinker in the nose, hard. "What the Hell was that for?" She snarled. Tinker smiled through his bloody nose. "Better?" He asked brightly. Rolling her eyes, she extended a hand and hoisted Tinker to his feet. Tinker grinned at her, and Alyss's heart skipped a beat. Tinker stared at her, blood gushing out of his nose. They had been holding hands for a second too long, when Chess swooped in between them. Breaking out of her mini trance, Alyss lifted her hand, reaching towards Tinker's nose. "Is it okay?" She asked, trying to touch it. Tinker's face went red and he jerked away. 'It's fine," He muttered. "Is it broken?" Alyss reached towards it again, worried. "No! Just leave it!" Alyss rolled her eyes. "Honestly Tinker." Tinker ignored her and started walking. Sevin giggled. "The Red Queen's castle is that way," He said, jerking his thumb in the opposite direction to Tinker.

A few minutes later, they were all running along a faint path winding through the forest. Waking up so slowly had cost them time, and now they could all hear the faint sound of marching feet behind them, gradually getting closer. Fighting through the branches and tripping over roots, Alyss had a sick feeling in her gut. They were going to get caught. Alice could barely keep her eyes open, let alone sprint. Hatter was slowing down to help her along and Siez and Sevin were trying to hurry them, desperate to make it. They were going to die. _Stop it._ Alyss mentally slapped herself. _You've lived through 10 London winters and you're giving up now?_ Alyss's pace quickened. The voice was right. She hadn't stolen, cheated and lied to get this far and then give up. They were going to get to that castle if it killedher. At least, if she could get there alive. Tripping over a twisted root, she tried to get up and felt an electric shock of pain from her ankle. Small whimper escaped from the back of her throat, but before she could grit her teeth and force herself to her feet, someone strong and gentle swooped her up and carried her in both arms, without breaking stride. Dimly, she realized that the pain was sending her into shock, and before she blacked out she recognized the man carrying her… Tinker.

As Alyss collapsed in his arms, Tinker was bathed in a freezing cold panic. Was she dead? Oh god, don't let his sweet Alyss be dead… The marching behind them was getting louder, loud enough to realize that whoever was following them was breathing down their necks, and they were on horses. They were doomed. Something white streaked past them, and Sevin ground to a stop. Before they could bolt, sharp swords, pointed at their throats by knights on horses, surrounded them. The circle was tight, surrounding the whole group. Siez and Sevin were reaching for their swords, but two men/things against twenty? They didn't stand a chance. _Crap._


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm so sorry it's taken me so long- I had my internals for maths and physics and I suck at them both so I had to study lots. But now they are over (YES!) and I can update regularly now. Enjoy!**

Chapter 10: For which there is no scientific explanation.

Alyss had woken up in a lot of bad situations. Jail, for instance. Often though she expected them. She didn't know _why_ stealing a very valuable tea set could put you in the slammer, but she did know that it did. However, when Alyss surfaced from the dull shock in her mind to what was debatably the real world, she was well, surprised. Being in a man's arms was a shock in itself, but Tinker's? That would have been enough to throw her in itself, but when she reluctantly looked beyond Tinker's face, she was angry. There was a sword pointed at her nose. Actually, there were five swords pointed at her nose. Most people would be frightened at this point, but not Alyss. To the knight who was attached to one of the swords surprise, Alyss grasped the sword between two fingers and twisted it viciously out of his grip, snapping his wrist in the process. Before the four knights beside him could even move, she had disarmed them as well, whipping away their swords. _Five down - _Alyss craned her neck to see over Tinker's arm – _fifteen to go. _To everyone's helpless surprise, Alyss managed to down another three knights before a sword was laid against her throat. The man was blonde, tall and very attractive, but Alyss didn't notice this because she was a little distracted at this point. "Any last words?" He hissed, the cold metal biting into her skin.

Alyss sighed. Please. Was a little originality too much to ask for? "I can't leave you guys for five minutes without you getting into trouble can I?" She grumbled. The man scowled. "Trouble? _Trouble?_ I'm going to kill you, and it's only trouble?" Alyss rolled her eyes. "Don't flatter yourself. Many people have tried to kill me before you, and most of them were a lot better at holding a sword" - Alyss jerked the blade, making the knight stumble- "than you. Everybody hold onto Tinker!" Chess, shivering gingerly placed a paw on his shoulder, followed by them all. Alyss smiled sweetly. "Tell the Queen that although, the murder attempt is flattering, don't send amateurs to do a professional job." The man snarled and made a grab for Alyss, but to his horror she and her party disappeared before his eyes. Fairhaven screamed, and smashed his fist into a tree, shattering the wood. The White Queen was going to be furious.

"You can poof?" Alice spluttered, eyes wider than dinner plates. "_You can poof?_' They had ended up about a kilometer away from where the White Queen's knights had caught up to them, and were stuck at the very top of a towering tree. Alice untangled herself from Tinker; making the branch they were perched on groan dangerously. Alyss, still cradled in Tinker's arms rolled her eyes. "Not the most elegant way of putting it, but yes. I can poof." Alice was silent for a moment, and the only sounding was the wind swishing the branch back and forth. "You could have mentioned this before, you know." Alice muttered, burying her chin into her skirts. Hatter, who was twisting his threadbare waistcoat in his hands, glanced nervously at the ground below, which was very far away. "Uh, Alyss. Thank you for getting us out of that fight before, but is there any chance we can get down now?" Hatter stammered, his fidgeting getting more and more agitated. Alice, looking down, instantly agreed with Hatter. Alyss shook her head. "I can't. One, I don't think I can actually poof with all of you again, and two… the knights will still be looking for us and this tree is our best shot to sleep in for tonight. Siez rumbled his agreement. Hatter, who now had unbuttoned and buttoned his waistcoat seventeen times gulped. "I don't really like heights…" He trailed off, wringing his hands. Alyss nodded sympathetically. "Hatter… Are you acrophobic?" Hatter looked very confused. "Are you scared of heights?" Hatter nodded. Alyss shook her head. "Then you should be fine." "_What?_" "You aren't looking at anything tall, are you? Now if you scared of depths, that would be bad." Hatter smiled at Chess. "She's so smart sometimes, isn't she?" Chess's chest puffed like a balloon. "Yes, with my evaporating skills, she obviously learned all her smartness from me."

When everyone started laughing, Chess was very confused.

Alice, who had been perched right on the edge was trying not to look down, or think about looking down. When she opened her eyes and saw the drop yawning at her feet, she gulped. "Why don't we just climb down?" She burst in suddenly, cutting through the laughter like a knife. Tinker, who had been examining Alyss's ankle, shook his head. "Look at Alyss. She isn't going anywhere." As the last of the laughter died in Hatter's throat, they all stared at Alyss. Though she had been joking around before, her face was white as a sheet, her smile pinched. Tinker shifted Alyss in his arms, leaving her ankle in full view. It had swelled hugely and was an ugly black purple. "It's broken, or at least badly sprained. She definitely won't be walking on it. And I don't think I can climb down and hold her at the same time…" Tinker looked tired and worried as he gently supported Alyss in his arms. Alyss strained to peek at her ankle. "You're such a hypocrite Tinker. It was only this morning you broke your leg!" Tinker stiffened. "That was completely different," He muttered. Siez and Sevin, who had been completely silent, shifted uncomfortably, making the tree and Alice's stomach lurch. "We have to sleep up here tonight. In the morning Sevin and I will carry Alyss down. " Tinker nodded. "Alright then. You don't think it will be windy, do you?" Alice and Hatter straightened, creeping towards the tree end of the branch. Sevin nodded enthusiastically. "My armor is tingling. There's going to be a big one!" Hatter, who was usually pale as a ghost anyway, went an unappealing shade of light green. "I'm not akkrophobic, I'm not akkrophobic…" He muttered under his breath.

As night began to fall, the first few drops of rain began splatting on the branch above them. Although Alice was not enjoying being 70 feet in the air, she was glad they were dry. The thick canopy above them acted like an umbrella, so outside their little torture camp was a constant shower of freezing water. Tinker slowly crept closer to the center of the tree, Alyss fast asleep in his arms. Chess lazily opened one eye. "What are you doing?" Tinker ignored him. Chess growled. "Tinker. You'll wake her up!" "I don't want her getting a shock when she wakes up!" Tinker furiously protested, his sharp whispers almost impossible to catch through the rain. "All that moving is going to make her ankle worse!" Chess snarled, pinning Tinker's foot to the ground.

"No it won't!"

"Yes it will!"

"What the bloody hell do you know?"

"More than a stinking stray does."

"Stinking stray? You pompous fart _I'll rip your throat out!_"

"I'd like to see you try. You have the most meager evaporating skills I've ever seen."

Both of them tensed hissing, when Hatter stepped, or rather, crawled hanging onto the branch for dear life in. "You're going to wake her!" Hatter hissed, giving them both a look. "Just let her sleep. She needs it." Chess and Tinker gave each other a look –This isn't over- then nodded sulkily. Hatter leaned back, almost falling off the branch. Scrabbling desperately for a hold, Hatter's bid to hold on became more and more frenzied. Siez rushed across the branch, making it groan angrily grabbed hatter by the collar, heaving him up as hatter's grip slipped away. Hatter, flustered started fidgeting with his waistcoat again, eyes wide with fear. Alice reached out, timidly patting him on the shoulder. "Chess, Tinker, why don't you tell us how you and Alyss met each other?" She asked, desperate to calm Hatter down. Chess, giving Tinker a dirty look, began.

_It was 10 years ago in Otherworld, a dark, stormy night. I had been curled up in a particularly cozy cushion hole when I saw it happen. There was a bright flash, green, purple and gold sparks bouncing around on the pavement, though they died quickly in the rain. As my superior vision returned, there was a little girl of about 5 lying face down on the street. She was filthy and stained in something dark. At first I thought she was an urchin, her clothes were tattered and torn and she was more skin and bone than anything else. But as the alleyway was light up bright as day by lightning it was easy to see she was in a bad way. I though she had been covered in dirt but… but it was blood. She was soaked in red, and even her hair was dripping. But the rich color of it was an easy sign she wasn't an ordinary child. _

_Naturally, being the charitable cat I am I jumped down from my warm high perch to try and help her but when I got close she saw me and started screaming and sobbing, Daddy day no no no Daddy NO PLEEASE NO! Besides a few nasty gashes on her arms and legs it looked like most of the blood on her dress wasn't hers. I tried to comfort her, it's alright, alright, but she kept cringing away and crying. _Chess stopped, a strange look in his eyes. "Something… something really bad happened to Alyss before then. I know her mother died, but I think it might have been more than that. She acts so brave now but I don't know hat effect it's had on her… especially since I restored her memories." Everyone was silent. Tinker gazed down at Alyss. She looked so peaceful, so innocent. What had happened to her? Tinker looked at Chess, eyes unreadable. "Go on," he said slowly. Chess sighed.

_It was easy to tell that the girl was disturbed and shaken, so when she fainted again I dragged her into a dry patch and let her sleep. She woke up a few times, always begging her daddy to stop. When morning broke she woke with a jolt, crying and whimpering. Seeing me, her eyes took on a shine of hope. Where's mummy? Is she okay? Has daddy gone? I didn't know how to answer her. Mummy's fine, I finally managed, smoothly reassuring her. I could guess who her mother was, and I seriously hoped she wasn't here, but I couldn't say that to a desperate little girl. I asked her what her name was, how old she was and why she was here. But the poor girl got confused, and she could only manage to tell me her name. Alyss Crimms-Stayne. After that she wouldn't stop crying, even then Alyss was sharp as a tack and I think she knew I was lying. So when she fell back to sleep, I blanked her memories. I couldn't let a little girl like that suffer. When she woke up, and asked where she was and who she was I told her she had hit her head, that she was Alyss Stayne and she was in London, safe with me. _

Chess stopped, looking down at Alyss's sleeping form, his face softened. "I told her lies to protect her." He said softly. "I told her she was an orphan and she had escaped from the orphanage with me, and that we had to lie low and make sure we weren't discovered or they would take us back there. I left out her royal name because I knew it would protect her, and it was so unusual that she'd ask questions about it. She was such a sweet little girl… I was able to teach her everything I know, and I have kept her safe all these years." He looked at Tinker, their eyes meeting. Chess's grin changed subtly, almost becoming a threat to back off. "Because I know what's best for her."


	11. Chapter 11

**Ugh. You guys must be mad at me… the second my exams finish I go on holiday! But now I can update regularly- (no really, you can believe me this time!). Enjoy chapter 11!**

Chapter 11: In which two kindred spirits come to an understanding.

Tinker glared at Chess. Jerk, who was he to think he knew what was best for his Alyss? Glancing around at the others, he was disgusted to see there wasn't a dry eye on the branch. Hopefully it was the rain, but deep down Tinker knew it wasn't. That slimy flea ridden roll of fat knew exactly how words worked, and how to weave them into pretty stories that got everyone on his side. Tinker was hopeless at saying what he meant. As his golden eyes locked with Chess's bulbous turquoise ones, Tinker couldn't help but feel a twist of doubt in his gut. Was Chess right? Did he really know what was best for his Alyss? Pulling his eyes away, in fear Chess would see his feelings there, he watched Alyss, a docile calm look in his eyes. She had always been smart, like Hatter said, but Alyss was really the stupidest person he'd ever met. So was so tough, so strong that she always ended up getting hurt. Tinker smiled. She was always so stubborn. All you had to say to wind her up was that she couldn't do something, and she'd run off and try and do it. Absentmindedly, Tinker traced a milky scar on Alyss's forearm.

_You can't do it Alyss! _

_Can._

_Not._

_CAN!_

_Not._

_It was when he had been perhaps a year old in human years, and Tinker had just proudly shown off to Alyss how to jump off a ledge and land on your feet by twisting your body through the air like a snake. Alyss, brushing the hair from her eyes, gave him a withering look. "If you can do it, anyone can." "But-" "Oh shut up Tinker. I'll just poof if I'm going to fall." His blood turned to ice as she started to climb up to pip to the ledge. "Only cats can do it Alyss!" he yelled, tail swishing side to side in frenzy. Smiling cockily at Tinker, Alyss started climbing faster. "I mean it Alyss!" The fear he was feeling crept into his voice, giving it a shrill soprano sound. Alyss paused, glancing down at him. "You're such a pussy Tinker!" She laughed. "Please come back down," he whispered brokenly. Alyss made it all the way to the ledge, before shakily standing up, wobbling dangerously. "Told you so!" She crowed. Smiling nervously, Tinker tried to coax Alyss down. "Alright, alright. You've proven your point, now climb down!" Of course, Alyss had refused, and leapt into the air…_

Tinker small smile vanished. If she hadn't landed in the rags they slept in, Alyss could have gotten badly hurt. She was bloody lucky to get away with just a sliced up arm. Unconsciously, Tinker held Alyss a little tighter. Maybe Chess was right. Alyss had countless scars from him, but none from Chess. Chess, though he hated to admit it was better at getting Alyss out of hot spots when he was actually around, he hadn't been able to save her when she ended up in jail, couldn't even protect her against a thick human. He was useless, he was dangerous for Alyss and he caused more harm than good… but there was no way he could ever tear himself away from his Alyss. Feeling eyes on his back, he glanced up at Hatter, who gave him a knowing look, before going back to playing with his coat. As the rain roared just out of reach, one by one they fell asleep, until it was only Tinker, and Siez still awake. Siez shifted slightly to get a better view of the ground below. "You should get some sleep boy." He said softly to Tinker, who looked exhausted. "I'm fine." Tinker murmured, eyes still alert and awake as ever, even though the bags beneath was smudged black. "You need sleep. How long has it been since you last slept? Two days? Three?" Siez replied, his voice sharper. "It doesn't matter how long ago, alright? I'm fine." Tinker hissed, turning to watch the other way. Minutes ticked by.

"What's it like?" Siez murmured. Tinker's head turned sharply. "I've already told you, I'm not tired!" "No, no. Otherworld. What's it like?" Tinker turned away, his shoulders tensing. "It's a bad place." Siez rumbled a low chuckle. "I think I can stomach a story boy." Still watching intently, Tinker smiled sadly. "_It's grey. Always dull colors, the colors of filth and muck. The buildings lean on each other and are dark and imposing. There's no real green in Otherworld, I saw more green in one second here then I saw in my whole life there._" Siez leaned back until both their shoulders were touching. "Is the whole world like that boy?" Tinker shook his head. "_In Otherworld, the humans have paper they call money. If you have money, you can live in a beautiful white house with maybe a garden and food whenever you want it. You have brightly colored clothes and dresses in colors the poor only ever see in their dreams. There are little frills on their clothes and their children laugh and play with toys all day long without a care in the world. The women have the luxury of fashion, and the men are fat and own businesses to get even more money."_ Tinker's voice was bitter. Siez sighed. "What if you don't have the money paper?" Tinker closed his eyes and was silent for a few moments. "You die. You die alone in an alleyway dressed in rags and covered in filth, where no one knows where you've gone, and nobody cares."

Siez stopped asking questions after that. Tinker looked down at Alyss, softening at the way her skin glowed in the moonlight, free of dirt, the way her hair felt against his skin, smooth and soft. Only yesterday she had been filthy with her hair more like a bird's nest than hair. Glancing at Siez, Tinker felt a pang of guilt for acting so childish. "What's it like?" Siez's head lifted. "What's what like?" "Serving a Queen. Being a soldier." Siez was quiet, and for a moment Tinker thought he wasn't going to answer. Clearing his throat, Siez sighed. "I'm not much of a story teller boy." Tinker's lip twitched. "I think I can stomach a story." He retorted. Siez turned to look at Tinker, deciding something. "I've served two mnqueens boy, each worse than the other." Tinker smirked. "I was hoping for a little more description."

Siez was silent. "Alright then. Just promise you won't make any smart remarks boy." Tinker nodded, and taking a deep breath, Siez began.

"_Under the Red Queen, our lives were, questionably good. We were fed regularly, our armor was kept in pristine condition and my legion was the finest in the kingdom. Life was good as a soldier. However our Queen's mind began to unravel, and she made us do unspeakable things to Underland's people…" _Siez's voice got hoarse. "_Anyone who questioned her was killed brutally, with the whole court as witness. My friend Frii was what we called a heart soldier. He thought what we all did, the Red Queen was sick and wrong, but he went a step too far. One day, he tried to rally our legion against him. I tried to warn him, but Frii was always an upstart…" _Siez's voice hitched. "_I should have tried harder at the time. I should have stopped him… But I didn't. He tried to turn the elite 1__st__ legion against the Queen, and he managed to get a handful of followers, but Stayne found out and… and… they were all killed. But Stayne was too cruel to just execute them. He made the loyal remainder of the 1__st__ legion do it as a test of faith to the Queen." _Siez trailed off, and took in a shaky breath. "I was the one to execute Frii. I made it quick and painless, it was the last gift I could give him, he was like a brother to me, you know?" Tinker was speechless. The Red Queen and Stayne. They killed so many innocent people, and tortured the rest. But they were also Alyss's parents… looking down at Alyss's face; he felt a knot in his stomach. She looked so serene, but was she? Did her parents pass on some darkness to her, a tiny seed of twisted hatred, just waiting to grow? Siez seemed to read his expression.

"When the Queens declared war, we cards were all hopeful. We had heard the stories of the White Queen's kindness and grace. So when the Jabberwocky was slain, we betrayed our Queen for her." Siez laughed quietly, a harsh, cruel sound. "We had traded one tyrant for another. We were treated like slaves. We were given bread crusts to eat, and bitter water to drink. We were split up from our legions, and weren't allowed to speak to each other. Of course, we all knew why. The White Queen was terrified of the Red Queen rising up out of the Outlands, and taking back her kingdom of terror again, and of us. She thought that the moment we had a chance, we would massacre her and her guards and restore the Red Queen to her throne." Siez sighed. "She was wrong though. We were sick of tyrant dictators. We wanted the old ways, when Underland was divided into the two Kingdoms and there was peace." He looked down at Alyss, a soft, gentle look just visible behind his visor. "Alyss is a scoundrel, but she is no tyrant. Somehow, the poison that clouded all the rest of her family's minds has skipped her. It's ironic really. The worst two parents imaginable, Stayne and Iracebeth, have produced the first non-power hungry royal child." Siez laughed. "In fact, she is the most pure soul I've ever met." Tinker grinned. "You can't have met too many people then Siez?" They both burst into muffled laughter. Siez wiped his eye. "You know Tinker, you aren't half bad. You'd make a good card soldier." Tinker flushed with embarrassment. No one had ever told him he would make a good anything. Then again, until this morning he had been a cat, and that didn't have too many job options.

"You know, you aren't a bit like Chess either Siez." Siez smiled. "Did you ever doubt that?" Tinker gave him a bantering smile. "Well…" Siez, forgetting for a moment that the ground was a one-way ticket down, gave Tinker a friendly, but very hard slap on the back. Alyss stirred in Tinker's arms. "Tinker…" She murmured in her sleep. Forgetting about Siez for a moment, Tinker leaned close, his chest bursting. _She's dreaming about me,_ he thought excitedly. "Tinker you bloody idiot, get down from there…" Tinker's heart dropped like a stone. Was that what she thought of him? Did she really believe he was an idiot? Starting, he realized Siez was looking at him, amused.

"What's so funny?"

"You are."

"_What?_"

"Hey hey, calm down. It' just…"

"What?"

"You're like a book kid. One of those really simple books they give to babies to learn how to read."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am no-"

"You're in love with her, aren't you?"

Tinker was silent.

"Thought so."

Turning back to watch the ground below, Tinker was confused. How did Siez know? He wasn't really that readable, was he?

"You sure are."

Tinker froze. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"Like I said, you're like a book. It's like your face is hardwired to your brain."

Tinker giggled. "I bet if you took off the helmet, you'd be even easier to read than I am."

"You wish."

Tinker and Siez laughed, completely at ease with each other. Continuing to tease each other mercilessly, they went non-stop until morning.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello again! Here's Chapter 12 – but first, I'm gonna answer your questions. **

Is tinker a cat or a human this always confused me and I just realized something! The white queen is alyss's aunt is she not?

**Tinker was a cat in Otherworld, but mysteriously turned into a human when the gang arrived in Underland. All will be revealed on that front, I promise. Indeed, the White Queen is Alyss's aunt on her mother's side – but they both wish they weren't related to each other. I can't really blame either of them for that really.**

**Please people, review and ask me more questions. It's nice to be reassured that people are reading this!**

Chapter 12: Which was really inevitable with a gang of klutzes hanging out in a tree.

When morning broke, so did Alyss's eardrums.

"SHE'S GOING TO FALL! SOMEONE GRAB HER!" Hatter's earsplitting screech jolted her awake. Completely alert, Alyss was relieved to find she wasn't the one falling to her doom. But her situation wasn't that much better really. She could remember falling asleep in Tinker's arms, but now she was unceremoniously jammed into a forked branch. Making a mental note to kill whoever had done this, she craned her neck, trying to see what the fuss was all about. Of course, Hatter's screech had given her a pretty good idea, but if this was all about Alice, Alyss wanted to see this priceless moment. Wriggling into a better position, she couldn't help but laugh. Ever since Alyss had met Alice, it had seemed the woman had been placed on Earth solely to amuse everyone else. But she'd really outdone herself this time. Last night, Alice had managed to wedge herself in towards the trunk, curl up and fall asleep. But Alice did not stay in her relatively safe sleeping spot. She must have rolled off the branch and onto the thinner one below. With Alice not being a heavy sleeper, this had woken up and she had gotten a nasty shock.

"Thanks for the update Hatter," Tinker grunted as he carefully climbed down to Alyss's branch, his hands struggling to grip the slippery bark. "I think I'm okay…" She stammered, hugging the branch for dear life. Sevin, too heavy to help much with the rescue was trying to give helpful advice while Chess did the opposite. "Try not to move Alice, and make your way to the trunk." "You know, this tree is massive really. Must be the tallest one for miles." Straining to reach Chess's floating backside, Alyss smacked it hard as she could. "You aren't helping!" She hissed angrily. Chess's eyes lit up as he spun around. "Alyss my Dear! How's the ankle?"

Before Alyss could answer, Alice's shaky voice came up from below. "So am I supposed to be moving or not?" Sevin thought for a moment. "Well, er… yes and no." Siez, with a quick eye rolling shoved him aside. "Slowly and carefully make your way to the tree trunk Alice. Tinker will lift you back up." Alice wriggled a little then froze. "I don't really want to go higher…" She said slowly. Chess grinned. "I wouldn't want to either really. There are so many risks in trees. Slipping, falling, getting stuck… Tinker would know all about that." Tinker froze for a moment, turning bright red before sliding the last few inches onto Alyss's branch. "I'll bloody well show you getting stuck…" He muttered angrily. Hatter, next to Alyss was a nervous wreck, picking at his buttons so fast it was almost a blur. Stretching herself, Alyss managed to just brush Hatter's back. "She'll be fine Hatter. I promise." She murmured softly. Hatter turned to look at her, his eyes a worried yellow. Alyss gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. Hatter gave her one back, but it was off and even a blind man could see Hatter's paranoia bubbling up inside him like a ticking bomb. "Hatter. Tinker is going to get Alice and everything is going to be fine." Hatter's smile eased into something much less creepy. "Okay. But Alice is right. I want to feel firm ground beneath my feet again, if it's all the same to you."

At just that moment, Alice discovered the part of her that was terrified of heights, and was also incredibly thick. Shrinking back from the trunk, Alice backpedaled furiously until she was right at the end of it. The wind teased the branch dangerously, causing it to sway wildly. Tinker slammed his palm into his forehead. "ALICE! Dammit dammit dammit!" Looking up at Siez and Sevin, there was a look of helplessness on his face. "I can't get her. The branch is about to snap as it is…" And just like that, Hatter was in the middle of a nervous breakdown again. Everyone was silent for a moment. "Come on Alice, we need you to move a little. Just little, come on," Sevin coaxed, but there was no point. Alice was shut up tight as a clam. Siez stared at Chess thoughtfully. "Can you poof her back up here Cheshire?" Chess shook his head. "No err… Alyss is the only one who can do that." Tinker laughed. "So your fantastic evaporating skills aren't all you say they are then?" Chess's fur stood on end. "I'll have you know that the only reason Alyss knows how to poof other things is because she steals stuff using evaporation. I chose to focus my talents in other areas." Tinker snorted. "Saving your own tail you mean?" Alyss's eyes narrowed to slits. "Enough, both of you. Siez, help me up so I can poof to Alice." Struggling to lift herself, a white-hot spear of pain lanced through her right ankle. Biting down on her lip, it took all of Alyss's self control to not scream. Siez shook his head. "You are staying in that branch. Your ankle is probably broken and the only reason you aren't screaming right not is Chess's block." Alyss rolled her eyes. "Please. I can handle a little twinge. Besides, it's only probably." Chess pursed his lips. "Stay where you are. It took a lot to block the pain from your mind and I'm not lifting it."

"Look, I don't want to interrupt your little drama, but let's turn our attention to Alice for now," Sevin said huffily. Alyss smiled. "Yes Sevin. For once, you're actually right." There was the sound of ruffling leaves coming from below. Peering over the edge, Alyss was furious. "Tin_ker_. Get down from there you bloody idiot! You've already broken your leg once!" She could just make out Tinker rolling his eyes. Sliding along the trunk on his belly, he made his way towards Alice. "I can handle myself Alyss. And look who'd talking, you tripped over a root." Crawling the last foot, he reached out a hand to Alice. "Come on Alice." Alice hesitated for a moment. The branch lurched and groaned and in a flash, Alice grabbed his hand, digging her nails into the skin. Coaxing her back along the branch, it seemed like an eternity before they reached the tree trunk. Hoisting Alice up, Hatter grabbed her and practically dragged her up. "Alice! I'm so glad you're alright!" Sucking her into a hug, Hatter seemed to be on the edge of tears. Suddenly he realized what he was doing. Pulling back, he brushed off his coat, looking anywhere but at Alice. "As a friend." He added hastily.

Alyss smiled as she watched the awkwardness between them. _I'm so glad I don't act like that…_ Tinker's hand clutched at the branch scrabbling for a hold. "A little help here?" Tinker muttered, his fingers slipping on the wet wood. _It's still slippery from last night's storm,_ he thought, desperately trying to hoist himself up. Pushing off with his feet, he almost felt it happen before it did. His hands slipped backwards, missing a hold by an inch as his feet flailed wildly in empty air. He barely heard Alyss scram as he started to fall, picking up in speed as he passed the branches in a blur. _Damn. _Tinker had been hoping he'd die with a little more dignity. A sharp twig grazed his face as he whipped past, and as he accelerated towards the ground more and more branches bruised and battered him, but none were strong enough to stop his fall. Instincts kicking in, he twisted in the air, bending his legs and preparing for impact. The ground shock was awful, sending waves of pain through his legs, but s he straightened up, he couldn't help but laugh shakily. That fall should have killed him, would've killed him if he weren't an expert faller. "Only cats can do it…" Tinker murmured. Looking up, he couldn't see Alyss or anyone, just a mess of leaves and branches, most of them snapped and broken. _Alyss. _A pang of panic came over him, was she alright? Was she stupid enough to try and come after him? And then it hit him. _They must think I'm dead…_ Tinker took a deep breath. Okay. As far as he could tell, he was fine. The mossy undergrowth and his perfect landing had been enough to miraculously save his skin. Somehow. Even though he should be dead right now, by some freak event he wasn't. Looking up into the tree, he knew there was no way he could climb back up; his fall had been a one-way ticket. Still, everyone else would be coming down soon, and hey would see him alive and everything would be better, but that wasn't going to be for a while.

He was going to be waiting a while. At hearing this, Tinker's stomach growled impatiently. Maybe he could get something to eat while he waited. It wasn't going to do any harm. It was a forest right? There must be berries or something. Wandering away from the tree, Tinker searched through the forest, looking for anything that looked edible. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a few dark shapes flitting in the shadows, but he dismissed them. From the size and shape they looked like deer, and Tinker was smart enough to know he couldn't bring down a deer without a weapon. Looking down at his hands, he sighed. "Stupid humans. Don't have any bloody claws or fangs…" Continuing to wander through the forest, Tinker's spirits began to fade. There was nothing here! The only plants in sight were the tall looming trees. Taking a breath, Tinker corrected himself. "There's got to be something to eat in this bloody wood. The animals had to eat something too…" _That's it,_ Tinker thought. _I can follow an animal, and then eat what it eats!_ His eyes fixing on a shadow on the edge of his vision, he began to stalk it, moving with effortless grace. This might not be some clueless mouse, but applying the same techniques seemed to work for following the deer. Ages passed, and nothing. These deer were hopeless!

Snarling at his stupid idea, Tinker started to head back the way he came when he saw it. A bush, covered in delicious looking blue berries. Creeping towards it, He picked one and stared at it. It was a pretty pale blue, the size of one of his fingers and shaped strangely. He'd seen something like it before at the market. Except that berry was red, yellow or green and was shaped like an icicle. What was it called? Something beginning with "C". Chili! Yes, that was it. This berry looked exactly like a blue chili. Lifting it up to his mouth, he was just about to eat it when "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." Spinning around Tinker slipped into a defensive crouch, gold eyes searching for an attacker. A white knight stepped out from behind a tree, his silver armor gleaming in the morning light. Tinker dropped the blue chili, his eyes never leaving the knight. "What do you want?" The knight stepped forward, as four more appeared behind him. "Come with me. We need to talk."


	13. Chapter 13

**Arg… I feel evil! Poor Tinker. His day is only going to get worse. R&R pretty please – and I don't mean the resting kind! Though that is also nice.**

Chapter 13: Which proves that 13 really is an unlucky number.

When Hatter wrapped his arms around her Alice could have melted. _I'm so glad you're alright! _Smiling shyly, she hugged him back fiercely, burying her face into his shoulder. She'd come so close to never seeing him again, never seeing anyone again all because of a stupid tree. Tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, she almost protested when Hatter pulled away. "As a friend." Shrinking back, Alice bit back the tears. Giving a stiff nod, she turned away so he wouldn't see the hurt in her eyes. Stupid, stupid her. She might love Hatter, but Hatter didn't feel the same way about her! She shouldn't have made him so uncomfortable. Praying for a distraction, she almost felt happy when Alyss screamed. But it was no ordinary scream. This was a keening pain.

Alice reached for Alyss, forehead creased with worry. Was it her ankle? But the scream hadn't sounded so much like physical pain as… Alice's blood turned to ice. _Tinker._ Scrambling to the edge, her stomach dropped to the ground below. He wasn't there. Tinker _wasn't there._ Whipping around to Siez, her guess was confirmed. The soldier was slumped, the color drained from his face. Falling to her knees, Alice choked out a sob. Tinker had fallen. Tinker was dead. _And it was all her fault._

Backing up against the berry bush, Tinker's eyes narrowed to slits. "What do you mean by talk?" He said slowly, muscles tensed and ready to run. The knight shrugged. "We mean you no harm. We just want to ask you a few questions, in private." Flexing his toes, Tinker mapped the clearing in his mind. He couldn't lead them back to Alyss, so the opening to his right was his best choice. Trying not to look at it, he stared the knight straight in the eye. "Why not here? This seems private enough to me." The knight took a menacing step forward. "Are you going to come peacefully or not? Tinker smiled. "No." Bursting into an explosive run, he veered off to the right, zigzagging through the trees. He had to lose them, and get lost in the process, just in case. The sound of hoof beats started in the distance, and Tinker put on another burst of speed, sharply turning left. The hoof beats got louder and louder, and Tinker realized he wasn't going to lose them or outrun them. Suddenly turning again, he caught a blur of white in the corner of his eye. They were right on him. He couldn't outrun them. He couldn't hide, so there was just one thing left to do. The shorter trees (and by short, he meant slightly less massive) were very close together, with the branches overlapping. If he couldn't escape them on the ground… Leaping up the trunk of the closest one, he started scrambling up, fast as a monkey. Standing on a branch, he walked out along a thick branch, looking for an overlap. Of course, with his luck today, there wasn't one. Rolling his eyes, Tinker sighed. "Stupid bloody luck when you bloody need it its bloody not there…" So, his situation was now pretty grim. He was stuck, in a tree, being followed by knights with shady intentions, with no hope of rescue. Tinker's cursing got a little more colorful.

The knights quickly surrounded the tree, reigning in their horses. After they'd made an effective spiky barrier, a man rode upon his white horse. Tinker recognized him immediately. He'd been next to him at dinner, and more importantly, he'd tried to kill Alyss. The man smiled cruelly, sharply jerking his reins. "Come down now, and no one gets hurt." Tinker hissed. "How stupid do you think I am?" The man raised a golden eyebrow. "Pretty stupid." Tinker bit back to urge to rip the man's head off. "Your promise not to hurt me is as empty as your Queen's." The man drew his sword. "DO NOT INSULT HER! SHE HAS MORE MANNERS IN HER LITTLE FINGER THAN YOU IN YOUR ENTIRE BODY!" Tinker smiled. Looks like someone has a chink in his armor. "Bad manners that is." In the back of his mind, a little voice was telling him to not antagonize the man that could easily kill him, but he brushed it off. This was fun.

The man's eyes turned cold. Turning to one of the knights, he spat out an order. "Go get him." Gulping the knight slid off his horse and tried to climb up, but his armor was too heavy. "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" The knight cringed. 'I can't sir." The man turned an unappealing shade of maroon. "You can't?" He said slowly. The knight looked like he was going to pass out from fear. "My armor sir… it's too heavy…" The man was silent. "Too heavy? Well that's a shame isn't it?" The knight stupidly nodded. "Well, I guess that's it. We can't get him, so we can't catch the criminals who are going to revolt against our Queen. Because your armor… is too heavy." The knight looked like he was going to pass out. "I am a fair man. If your armor is too heavy, I can't let you suffer." The knight fell to his knees. "No sir! Please sir, I need the pay! My mother –" The man put up his hand. "I don't really care. You are hereby stripped –" The knight fell to his knees. "Wait, sir! I know how we can get him!" The man looked down at the knight. "Yes?" He asked, slightly interested. The knight stared at the tree for a moment, eyes frantically searching. "Well, he's in a tree, right?" The man stared at him. "Really? I hadn't noticed." His voice dripped with sarcasm. The knight, ignoring the man went on. "And trees are made of wood." The man rolled his eyes. "GET to the _POINT!"_ He roared. The knight shivered. "Why don't we burn him out?" The man smiled, looking up at Tinker. Tinker's heart sank. He was screwed. "I take it back soldier. You are of use after all. Turning to the rest of the knights, he laughed coldly. "Burn him out."

Alice was curled up in the corner, listening to everyone arguing. "He's dead. That's it. No one could have survived that fall." Siez's voice broke on the last word. "We can't risk it. Tinker wouldn't have wanted us all to be captured just to find his body." Sevin shook his head violently. "We can't just leave him! What if he survived but broke something? Maybe someone could go down and check-" "How Sevin? Nobody would be able to climb back up. We have to wait until night fall." Siez put his head in his hands. "There's nothing anyone can do." He sighed. Alice looked away, down at the jagged hole of snapped branches where Tinker had fallen. The guilt was killing her. Someone put a hand on her back. "Hatter I-" Wait. The hand was too small to be Hatter's. "It's not your fault." Alyss's voice was soft, and if Alice hadn't turned and seen Alyss's tear streaked face, she would have thought her mind was playing tricks. "Yes it is… If I hadn't fallen-" Alyss cut her off. "It's not your fault Alice. Tinker slipped on a wet branch. It's not as if you pushed him." Alice opened her mouth to protest. "Look Alice, you need to stop wallowing and do something about it. You're a lot of things Alice, but you're not a wallower." Alice smiled slightly, but it died the moment it started. "Besides, if it was your fault, I would have pushed you off after him. Hatter gave Alyss a worried look. "You are kidding. Right Alyss?" Alyss turned away, silent. "Right?" Alyss's shoulders started to shake. "_Right?" _Alice, still in shock patted Hatter on the back. "I'm pretty sure she is Hatter. Her hand hovered on his back a fraction too long. Alyss, whose eyes were rimmed an unappealing shade of red watched them. They were so sweet, and so clueless. Maybe she could open their eyes to each other; to distract her from Tinker dy- Alyss killed the thought. He wouldn't be dead, shouldn't be dead, and couldn't be dead. Tinker was always there when she turned around, there to catch her when she fell- or well, at least cushion her fall. But she'd seen him, his fingers slip on the hold, his mouth make a silent O of surprise as he dropped. A lump caught in Alyss's throat, as tears pricked at her eyes. Tinker couldn't die and leave her living. It would hurt too much.

Well, it was official, black cats were unlucky. Tinker edged up the tree, trying to find an escape route. Sneaking a glance below, he saw that the knights were beginning to collect wood from nearby trees as if their life depended on it. One of them caught his eye, the desperate one who'd thought of the brilliant idea that was going to kill him. A small part of Tinker felt sorry for the knight – he'd been desperate after all, the man was about to execute him. But that tiny part was one drop in a raging river. Picking a sturdy looking nut thing from the branch above, Tinker held it in his hand gingerly, trying not to prick himself on the vicious spikes that bristled all over it's surface. Feeling it's weight, he smiled. It was long and slightly pointed at one end, with black needle like spikes covering the surface. The perfect missile. Aiming carefully, he threw it straight at the knight's head, and even from the high distance he heard the shrill scream. Glancing down, he winced. Whoops. Wrong knight. "Ah well, they're all trying to kill me," Tinker sighed, picking a few more and bombarding the knights below. "That's for having fast horses!" The knight he hit swore loudly. Lobbing another one, he smiled at the shriek the knight made as he clutched at his head. "And that's for screaming like a girl!" Tinker hissed. But even as he tossed more and more spiny nut things at the knights below, Tinker knew in his heart there was no way for him to win this.

Judging from the look on the Man's face, he knew so too. Barking a few orders to a trembling knight, he reined in his horse, just out of Tinker's range. "Lift your shields men! It is vital that this dangerous criminal is caught!" The knights gave a halfhearted "Aye" and heaved their shields above their heads. With his sharp eyes, Tinker noted that some of the knights struggled to lift their bulky shields that were more ornate decoration than anything else. If he got out of this alive, he had to tell Alyss this… _Why?_ The thought startled Tinker, and he couldn't see how to answer it. Why was this important? Why was the White Queen so desperate for Alyss not to assume the throne, or even get there? Why was this whole quest thing so bloody difficult? He felt that the reason for the last question his mind raised was because he was involved which naturally turned luck against him, but the other two he was completely clueless about. It was probably some trivial thing to do with politics. The only politics Tinker knew was stab the other guy in the back before he did it to you. Suddenly, he was jerked out of his stupid little daydream when the acrid smell of smoke hit the air. Something was burning… Glancing down, his heart dropped to his stomach. Flames were beginning to lick the bottom of the trunk, feeding hungrily on the hard wood. A multitude of words to describe his situation popped into Tinker's head, and using all of them, he stared at the Man, hatred burning in his eyes. But what amazingly silenced Tinker was seeing his exact feelings reflected back at him in the man's cold blue eyes. Hatred, anger, and resentment... it was like looking in a mirror, and Tinker didn't like what he saw.


	14. Chapter 14

**Man... I am just cruel aren't I? It just seems all too easy to ruin their lives... Mwhahaha. Questions!**

Poor Tinker! :O His situation's pretty dire - how's he gonna get out of this one? Also i was wondering, why does Tinker turn into a man when he enters Underland but not Chess? Is Tinker originally from Underland? I'm a bit confused as to his history - but have i mentioned how sexy he is? LOL Seriously, i'm in love! :D

**Poor Tinker indeed... his situation is only getting worse though... I'll explain why Tinker changed into a man in a few chapters, but he isn't originally from Underland. Chess doesn't change because he doesn't want to... Tinker's history is coming in a few chapters too, but I warn you, it is shocking. Shockingly shocking that is. So stay tuned! **

**Chapter 14: **Which is not about rainbow ponies.

Usually Tinker liked barbecues. They meant half raw, half charcoaled rats on sticks that were mildly appetizing. He wasn't quite as happy when he was the rat on a stick though. "More oil!" The man yelled below, giving Tinker a nasty smile. It was bad enough that this man was evil, but did the guy have to smile like that? Tinker scowled, gingerly plucking another spiky missile. Aiming for the man's head, he of course accidently hit the horse. The horse screeched in pain and started wildly bucking, so it wasn't a total loss. Tinker's frown turned upside down as the man held on for dear life, pulling in the reins sharply until the white foam on the raging horse's mouth turned pink. Tinker had never really liked horses (They smelt bad and constantly kept walking over him) but he felt a glimmer of sympathy for this one. Those spiky things probably hurt. Two knights dropped the oil they were carrying and rushed to the horse, and somehow they managed to calm it down, after one of them was kicked in the head and knocked out. The man slid off, and promptly back handed the conscious one in the face. "IMBECILE!" The knight shivered. "Sir Kyndhart... I don't understand..." Kyndhart kicked the unconscious one viciously, his blue eyes bubbling with rage. "The OIL you FOOLS!" The knight's eyes flicked to the oil containers. Unfortunately, the containers had been made of glass, and more unfortunately, (For the knights anyway) they had shattered into a million pieces when the knights had dropped them to aid their boss, spilling the oil everywhere. "My lord..." "WHAT? YOU THINK YOU CAN EXCUSE THIS?" The knight started shaking. "I'm sorry sir, but-" "OH!" Kyndhart turned the all the other knights, who were frozen in horror. "ITS ALL OKAY." The knights, stupidly, relaxed a little. "BECAUSE THIS IDIOT" - The knight cringed away – "IS SORRY!" The knight bent his head, his shoulder's shaken. His voice was like a kicked puppy's. "I only wanted to help-" He never finished his sentence. Kyndhart in a flash drew his sword and sliced off his head in a silver blur. Tinker winced, unable to move or look away, his heart thumping as he remembered staring into Kyndheart's eyes.

_His eyes_

Kyndhart knelt beside the unconscious man, lifting off his helmet, almost gently

_His eyes, when I looked_

Lifting his sword, Kyndhart flexed his arms, a sick smile on his face

_When I looked, I saw_

The other knights were silent, most of them looking away

_I saw me._

The sword came down, and with a spurt of blood, another head was separated from it's body.

_The hatred, anger, bitterness at everyone except her..._

Kyndhart wiped his sword on the moss.

_Is that me?_

Tinker sat back. For once, he couldn't think of anything to say.

Kyndhart faced his men. "These are dangerous woods." The men nodded uneasily. "The criminals are out of control." The knights murmured in frightened agreement. "They killed these two men in pure cold blood." The murmurs strengthened. "There was nothing we could do to stop their tragic deaths."

"How long until nightfall?" Alice sighed. It had only been hours, but it felt more like years. Sevin looked up at the darkening sky. "Not long now." Hatter mumbled, his eyes a depressing shade of aqua. The waistcoat he'd been picking at all day was now a pile of violently lime green threads at his feet. "What would happen if we went down now?" Alice asked, a slight edge of distress in her voice. Siez regarded her like a branch that could snap any second. "It would be best to wait another hour or two." He rumbled casting what must've been his millionth look down the path of mutilated branches Tinker had created that morning. Alice felt like screaming. She had to know about Tinker. Was he dead? Was he alive? Or even worse... was he alive but dying slowly in horrible pain down below them, his body broken like a discarded doll? Alice shakily stood up. "I can't wait any longer." She said flatly. Suddenly something moved in her dress pocket, and Alice nearly stumbled. Absolem poked his head out sleepily. "Good morning. Have I missed anything?" Everyone was silent. Finally, Sevin spoke up, in the gravest tone Alice had ever heard him say. "Yes. Yes you have." Absolem rubbed his eyes, blinking blearily up at the sky. "Good Grief! Is it evening already?" Chess stretched. He'd been asleep too, and had been a little too unbothered about Tinker's death. "Of course it is. Though after all the drugs you've inhaled in your lifetime I am amazed you can tell the difference." Absolem bristled. "At least I'm not some obese cat with an ego bigger than his belly!" Chess snarled. "What did you call me?" Alyss, who had been all but comatose for the last few hours suddenly grabbed Chess's ear in a white knuckled grip. "It has been hours since Tinker fell, and you are already bickering with someone else as if Tinker never existed? Have some respect..." Alyss's angry rant trailed off as she blinked back tears. Chess immediately softened, even though Alyss's grip didn't. "I'm sorry Alyss." Alice almost fell from shock. Chess apologized? About Tinker? Without Alyss yelling at him? Absolem did a double take. "What? Who fell?" Alice quickly filled him in, brushing over the details as Chess tried to comfort Alyss, who was in tears all over again. Absolem fluttered onto Alyss's shoulder. "Alyss. I am also sad to hear of your loss. Losing Tanker must be very hard for you." Alyss wiped away a tear. "Tinker. Not Tanker." The fact Absolem wasn't squished right now was even more of a shock than Chess's apology.

Absolem rubbed his legs together awkwardly. "Err... yes. I really am sorry-" Sevin suddenly leapt to his feet, causing the branch to bend frighteningly far. "Okay. I've had enough, let's go." Siez grinned for the first time that day. "I hear that Siez. Okay, here's how it's going to work..." Hatter's eyes returned to a vibrant lime green. "I'll go down first!" He exclaimed, already halfway to the trunk. Siez grabbed Hatter by the scruff. "Wait. We need to plan this out carefully. First, Chess will poof down to the ground to scout out where the knights are. Once we have determined that..." Chess interrupted, blinking his turquoise eyes slowly. "Is it just me, or can you smell smoke?" Everyone sniffed the air. "Yes... how long has that been going on for?" "Is it the knights?" Chess grinned. "Who else Sevin? I first smelt it about two hours ago. I wasn't sure if it was important, it's quite far off thataway." Chess lazily flicked his tail to the south. Siez smiled. "Good. They're probably setting up camp for the night. That means we have better chances. As I was saying, Chess will go down first, then Sevin, Hatter and Alice, followed by Absolem, all at the same time so this goes quick and smooth. After I see that you all have reached the bottom, finally Tink- I mean, I will go down and Alyss will poof into my arms at the bottom. Are we clear?" Siez's voice had an odd tone to it, but no one chose to point it out. Chess purred. "Crystal," he said suavely before fading into a mist. A few minutes later, he was back. "No knights in sight. Proceed away."

The plan was going perfectly. The image of Tinker slipping was fresh in everyone's minds, and the climbers were all on hyper alert. There was a moment or two when someone (Alice) skidded a few metres, but besides that the plan went by without a hiccup. Until it was Alyss's turn.

Siez stared Alyss straight in the eye, posied to start descending. "I don't know how you do it, but just make sure you go to me, okay? I promise I won't drop you milady." Alyss managed a strained smile. "Don't worry, I'll be there." Half a hour later, Chess appeared beside her, his eyes glowing oddly. "Come on Alyss. There's something you need to see." Taking a deep breath, Alyss relaxed, letting the burning pain from her ankle fade away. She was going to poof into Siez's arms, and she'd finally know what had been her poor Tinker's fate... Tears sprang to her eyes, and Alyss fiercely brushed them away. When Chess had first taught her the art of teleportation, he'd drummed one thing over and over into her mind. _Stay focussed. You have to know exactly where you are going, don't think of anything else. _Alyss took a shaky breath. Siez. _Siez._ Siez. Loyal, strong, brave kind Siez. He was just like Tinker, Tinker had always been there for her, always there to make her smile, laugh or cry... Loyal, funny dumb, smart, sweet Tinker... Alyss cracked open her eyes and gasped. _Oh crap._


	15. Chapter 15

**I feel so sadist... I AM EVIL! Rotfl indeed.**

Chapter 15: In which many tears are spilt.

Alice stood frozen at the base of the tree, her feet sinking into the softly glowing green moss. _He's not there._ She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing would come out, it was like someone had shoved an invisible sock down her throat. Tearing her eyes away from what had amazed her in the first place, she glanced at everyone else, who were all in a state of shock, except for Chess, who looked a little sad and annoyed. Turning back to what they were all staring at, she forced out the words they were all thinking. "He's not there." Instead of the hideously mutilated body they'd been expecting, there was simply a small hole in the moss about half a foot deep, that did not appear to contain any squished Tinker. Sevin turned to Chess, an odd mix of relief, anger and joy in his eyes. "Why didn't you _tell _us when you first came down here?" He growled, taking a menacing step forward. "Alyss- I mean, her Majesty is up there scared half to death he's dead and you knew he wasn't!" Chess floated backwards a little, a smooth smile with an undercurrent of nervousness plastered on his face. "Well, I did have a really good reason..." Hatter moved up beside Sevin, slightly confused. "What I don't get is why we didn't get Chess to poof down right after Tinker fell to see if he was alright? Wouldn't that have solved this whole problem?" Everyone was quiet for a moment, because, well, Hatter was right.

Chess went into 'get out of anything' mode. "That is an excellent question Hatter. We'll have to ask Siez why he made that decision when he gets here." Alice, tearing herself away from staring at the hole moved to stand beside Hatter. He was so clever, even if he was a little nutty sometimes. But his offbeat personality was why she loved him... Wait, what? She'd just thought the forbidden thing that she knew was there but she could never acknowledge because no matter what he didn't think the same way and they were friends and she loved that but wanted more and UGH why did this have to be so complicated? Alice took in a breath to calm down her spinning head. Absolem fluttered down beside them, taking his usual place on Alice's shoulder. "I think, Hatter it was because everyone was in shock over Tonker's fall to really be thinking clearly. Of course, if _I_ had been awake-" Chess snorted. "What would you have done? Sat there and smoked your little pipe? We both know that _my _intelligence is far superior to _yours._" Absolem flew over to Chess, getting so close to his face that Chess had to go cross eyed to see his properly. "Firstly, it's a _hookah, _not a common as dirt pipe. Secondly-" They were both silenced as Siez came sliding, or perhaps better described as half falling, half screeching down the tree at a breakneck speed down the trunk. Coming to a squealing halt Siez leapt off the trunk, brushed off his hands and gave them all a stern look.

"I can hear you from halfway up! Put your petty arguments aside before the White Queen's knights come crashing down on us." Everyone was quiet, until Hatter spoke up. "Uh, Siez?" Siez looked up, focussing on Hatter. "Yes?" Hatter took a deep breath, consciously trying not to fiddle with his jacket. "Chess told me that I should ask you this. What I don't get is why we didn't get Chess to poof down right after Tinker fell to see if he was alright? Wouldn't that have solved this whole problem?" Siez was silent for a moment. Hatter opened his mouth to ask something else but Siez put up a hand. "Well, that is an excellent question Hatter. We'll have to ask Alyss when she gets here." As if he'd suddenly remembered, Siez held out his arms awkwardly, facing towards the tree. Alice resisted the urge to laugh. "What are you doing Siez?" Siez flexed his shoulders. "Waiting for Alyss. Oh, right. Can you tell her to come down Chess? And tell her about Tinker for Queen's sake." Chess, clearly biting back a witty remark poofed off, returning a moment later. "She's coming," He said, curling his tail around himself in mid air. But Alyss didn't come. Two minutes ticked by, then three, four and five. Siez held his arms up to whole time, but it was clear that he was tiring as the minutes slid around Alice's pocket watch. "Where is she?" Hatter asked nervously, taking off his hat and smoothing the edges. Even Chess looked worried. "I better check..." He stammered, poofing off again. A moment later he returned, no trace of his classic grin on his face. "She's gone."

The first thing Alyss noticed was the burning smoke that filled her nose, and the second thing was the fact that she was being held bridal style in someone's arms, and that there was something really sharp and spiky digging into her lower back. _It's a knight,_ She panicked, wriggling like a mad worm until a familiar hand clamped over her mouth. "Stop wriggling dammit, or I might drop you." Alyss froze. "Tinker?" She mumbled out through his hand, tears streaking down her cheeks. "No, it's the Queen of England. Who else you fish head?" Tinker murmured, letting go of her mouth to try desperately to hold Alyss still as she struggled to get a better look at him. "You're alive! Or I'm dead... Either way Tinker it's YOU!" Tinker winced at the sound of her exclamation, which wasn't quite a shout but was almost not drowned in the clamour of knight's voices going on below. Alyss sat up, barely noticing the burst of pain from her ankle. "Tinker... am I dead? Where are we?" Tinker smoothed back her hair from her face, licking his lips. "You're not dead, and I'm not either, but we have to be quiet or we will be. The smoke was getting thicker, but Tinker was able to point out the knights surrounding the tree through the leaves. "See them? They're the White Queen's knights. Right now they're trying to burn me out of this tree, but if they see you..." Tinker trailed off, hoping for effect, but the real reason was that he had no idea what would happen if Kyndhart spotted Alyss.

As if on cue Kyndhart's head snapped up, staring Tinker in the eye. With lightening reflexes Tinker shoved Alyss out of sight behind a thick leafy branch. Kyndhart smiled and Tinker's blood turned to ice. Had he seen Alyss? Alyss peered up from behind the branch, a frown creasing her pretty face. "What was that for?" She whispered angrily, rubbing the back of her head. Tinker was silent, twirling a spiky thing in his right hand. "They're trying to burn you out, aren't they?" Tinker nodded, motioning with his free hand for silence. Hefting up the spiky nut thing, he launched it at the ground below. They both watched as it slammed into a knight's chest, causing him to scream in pain and topple backwards, dropping the bundle of logs he was carrying. Tinker smiled, before turning to Alyss. "Look, none of that's really important right now. You _need _to get out of here." Alyss raised an eyebrow. "You expect me to just leave you here? You're coming with me Tinker, I can poof us both-" Tinker shook his head violently. "No. No Alyss. They already know that I'm up here, and if I disappear they're going to triple their search looking for us... you, I mean. I can buy you all some time. You can-" Alyss interrupted, tears already forming in her eyes. "I can't leave you! Not again..." Her voice hitched. Tinker leaned across the branch, until their foreheads were almost touching. "Whatever happens-" Alyss wiped away a tear viciously. "Don't say that! Nothing's going to happen! We can come back..." Tinker sighed, taking her hand. "Whatever happens, I love you... I always have..." Tinker blushed furiously, and without thinking he leaned forward even more and kissed Alyss, his Alyss. The blood roared in his ears and it felt for a moment like everything was perfect, and that everything was finally right in the world... A shout rose up from below, and Tinker pulled back reluctantly. Alyss stared at him, speechless. 'Promise me you won't come back," Tinker said urgently, his hands still on hers, "Get to your castle. Save the world. Now go, before they see you!" Alyss's lips started to move, but before he could hear her she'd faded away, back to her protectors, back to safety. Leaning back on the branch, Tinker let out a strangled sigh. _At least she's safe... And I'm damn well going to keep it that way._

_He loves me... _Alyss thudded into Siez's arms, barely hearing the sighs of relief and questions as to where she'd been from two very concerned card soldiers and a rather agitated Chess. _Why didn't I tell his back? Why?_ It was true that only a few days ago he'd been a cat, but ever since he'd become human... A tear dripped down her cheek as she stared back at the black column of smoke as the group started running towards her supposed castle again. "I love you too," Alyss whispered, praying to whoever was out there granting wishes that Tinker would be alright.


End file.
